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July 2014

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Today, it's my birthday. My next-door neighbours gave me a stool and some rope. FML

by NosChersVoisins / 07/01/2014 at 12:55am / France (Aquitaine) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2014 at 4:00pm / Spain (Catalonia) / Intimacy

Today, I ran into my boyfriend of 5 years. The weird thing was that he was supposed to be in Iran. The even weirder thing was that he was with his wife and kids. FML

by someonepleasehelpme / 07/18/2014 at 12:49pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

by WasntWorthIt / 07/30/2014 at 1:04pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML

by unwanted daughter / 07/02/2014 at 11:54am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I had to take my cat to the vet. On the way there, he managed to get out of his cage, climb into the front seat, onto my chest, and howl in my face as I tried to drive down the highway. I ended up with stitches and still got charged for missing my cat's appointment. FML

by Anonymous / 07/21/2014 at 6:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, I was taking a shower when the soap began to burn my eyes worse than they've ever burned before. I quickly grabbed whatever cloth I could find to rub my eyes with. My dad's old underwear was the last thing I would expect to find lying near the tub. FML

by x.x / 07/06/2014 at 1:09am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was out with my boyfriend, when he started browsing wedding rings. He found a ring, proposed to me right there in front of a crowd, and then was promptly denied a payment plan. We left without a ring. FML

by badluck / 07/21/2014 at 3:31pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I found out the record label I was talking to was actually just my friends who have way too much time on their hands. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2014 at 1:24am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my boyfriend said that he doesn't have to marry me because we coincidentally have the same last name. FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2014 at 9:27pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I found out that my son has been trying to save enough of his earwax to make a candle. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, my mother compared having me as a daughter to having a deadly kind of cancer. FML

by wtf? / 07/19/2014 at 1:53am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that the odd creaking noise I hear when I walk down the stairs is actually a crack that had been getting larger over the years. I found out when I fell through and plummeted to the stairs below. FML

by Oldhouse / 07/21/2014 at 11:46pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous