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July 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including the guy I like. As soon as we got to the beach, I ran toward the water and he chased after me. It was a beautiful moment until I looked back at him, tripped, fell on my face and slid down the beach. FML

#21224233
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42496) - you deserved it (7123)

On 07/29/2014 at 10:36pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I confided to my boyfriend that I have a condition that causes me to grow thick toe hair. He now won't stop calling me "the sexy Hobbit." FML

#21206358
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44109) - you deserved it (7114)

On 07/11/2014 at 8:26pm - health - by sexyhobbit (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, my 3-year-old daughter asked me to carry her from the car to the house. I asked her for 3 kisses and a hug in return. She said she'd rather walk instead. FML

#21213512
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48610) - you deserved it (6885)

On 07/18/2014 at 10:56pm - kids - by kids say the darnedest things - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had trouble carrying a box upstairs because my arms were sore from working out. My mom asked me, "Why are you working out so much then?" I didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of her 100-pound weight gain and that I didn't want to end up looking like her. FML

#21225648
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43424) - you deserved it (6851)

On 07/31/2014 at 7:51am - health - by jogginglikeitsmyjob (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my wooden floor gave me a splinter on the bottom of my foot. I don't have the flexibility nor the eyesight to find it. FML

#21208684
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39840) - you deserved it (6847)

On 07/14/2014 at 5:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

#21222062
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56707) - you deserved it (6772)

On 07/27/2014 at 1:12pm - love - by fingwhore (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML

#21207963
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40418) - you deserved it (6756)

On 07/13/2014 at 1:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

#21209385
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54536) - you deserved it (6751)

On 07/14/2014 at 11:25pm - intimacy - by thedoc (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend asked me where I've always wanted to settle down, and I told her that Italy had always appealed to me. She snorted and told me what a bad idea that was, because "you don't speak French". FML

Today, I hugged my dad. Since I don't hug him very much, he was confused. When I pulled away from him, smiling, he slapped me, saying the smiling and the hug made it look like I was "up to something." FML

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44083) - you deserved it (6696)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML

#21212155
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51722) - you deserved it (6637)

On 07/17/2014 at 7:32pm - animals - by kittynapper - United States (Colorado)



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