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July 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

#21207695
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58405) - you deserved it (7244)

On 07/13/2014 at 3:46am - intimacy - by NoSexForMe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

#21205823
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53253) - you deserved it (7242)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend of a couple of weeks mixed up my name with his ex wife's name. After he said it, he looked at me and said, "You knew it was going to happen." FML

#21196800
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41009) - you deserved it (7225)

On 07/02/2014 at 11:12pm - love - by thatsnotmyname - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

#21225778
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40275) - you deserved it (7217)

On 07/31/2014 at 12:24pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went on a job interview. The interviewer said it all went well, but he can't hire me because I've got a nose piercing, and that type of "image" isn't the kind they're looking for in their employees. This is the guy who had a full sleeve tattoo. FML

#21200605
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43232) - you deserved it (7185)

On 07/06/2014 at 2:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

#21199559
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44604) - you deserved it (7104)

On 07/05/2014 at 1:53pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my wedding ring at work. It wouldn't be too hard to track down, except that I work at Heinz. If you find it in your mayonnaise, keep it. FML

Today, I got the, "It's not you, it's me" speech for the third breakup in a row. I'm beginning to think that they may not be entirely telling me the truth. FML

#21217897
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42700) - you deserved it (6937)

On 07/23/2014 at 12:09am - love - by swiggityswooty - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me out on a date. He doesn't have a car, but he said he'd borrow transport from his neighbor. He showed up at my house on a ride-on lawn mower. FML

#21213104
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47851) - you deserved it (6810)

On 07/18/2014 at 4:21pm - love - by Lisa (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML

#21214404
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50572) - you deserved it (6800)

On 07/19/2014 at 6:38pm - misc - by Death By Parent (woman) - United States

Today, my 11-year-old son and I took an IQ test for a laugh. To be honest, I've often suspected that I may have some form of mental retardation, but I didn't expect to get a score of 79, while he got one of 114. FML

#21198731
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41638) - you deserved it (6701)

On 07/04/2014 at 6:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML

#21220246
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38670) - you deserved it (6641)

On 07/25/2014 at 11:54am - animals - by shewhopoopsinlitterboxes (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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