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July 2014

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Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

by bad in the sack / 07/05/2014 at 12:26am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my mom told me my relationship is a joke, because teenagers don't understand the meaning of relationships and commitment. I couldn't help but remind her how she's divorced three separate men to date. She hit me over the head so hard that snot flew out of my nose. FML

by Anonymous / 07/18/2014 at 7:06pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I got into trouble at work because a customer complained about my face tattoo, I don't have a face tattoo but I do have one behind my ear. Nonetheless, I still got written up and had to cover it with a band-aid, which ripped out hair when I took it off. FML

by heatherfeather22 / 07/30/2014 at 11:28pm / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, I watched a Youtube video about artists who ripped off other artist's songs. All of the bands that were accused of stealing were all bands that I really enjoy. FML

by dillon / 07/01/2014 at 12:12am / United States (Arkansas) / Geek

Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML

by Infadel / 07/22/2014 at 5:55pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I had to drop off my library book. I thought I'd dropped in into the library book drop, but I'd accidentally put it in the post office mail box. To get the book back, I had to explain this incident five times to three librarians, a mailman, and my sister who called me ridiculous. FML

by lolateverything / 07/17/2014 at 12:25am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while working an early shift, I was dressing a wound on a gorgeous guy, when he laughed and pointed out some granny panties next to me on the floor. I guess I forgot to take yesterday's underwear out of my pants before putting them back on this morning. FML

by dorrisdoes / 07/28/2014 at 4:47pm / New Zealand / Work

Today, I asked my mom why nobody likes me. She reeled off about a dozen reasons. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2014 at 2:15pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I met someone who works in radio advertising. Making conversation, I described an ad that I can't stand. He wrote it. FML

by Scotty / 07/28/2014 at 6:16am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work

Today, I caught my dog drinking from the toilet. After yelling at him, his apology was licking my face. FML

by dogggg / 07/13/2014 at 10:10pm / India (Maharashtra) / Animals

Today, I was in a restaurant bathroom, when another girl walked in. I have anxiety issues, and couldn't leave my stall until the other person went first. She rushed into a stall and had violent diarrhea for a good 10 minutes. FML

by rachelhope / 07/11/2014 at 1:07pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, intending to break up with him. Instead, I was greeted by his whole family throwing me a surprise party. I had to sit and listen to his whole family talk about what a great couple we are and how we're going to last forever. FML

by I Feel Horrible / 07/20/2014 at 1:59pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML