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July 2014

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Today, I went on a date with an extremely cute girl. About 30 minutes in, she excused herself to the restroom. I waited for about 20 minutes, then I got up and left. About 10 minutes later, she called asking where I was. FML

by Kewl_Kat / 07/24/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (Vermont) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

by weeping_angel_ / 07/12/2014 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, at my local amusement park, I decided it'd be fun to meet someone on the roller coaster by sitting alone and hoping that someone nice would sit next to me. I rode the roller coaster 7 times. I sat alone each time. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2014 at 3:40pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I nearly had an anxiety attack trying to sneak up on my sister to silly-string her. FML

by cassieono / 07/10/2014 at 5:28pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, we decided to go to an aquarium for a little family get-away. At the end was a shark viewing deck, and I leaned over the rails to get a better look. How did I find out that my glasses needed to be adjusted? They fell off and sunk right to the bottom of the shark-infested waters. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2014 at 11:57am / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

by Face fucking palm / 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my teenage daughter faked a suicide because I bought her a Samsung instead of an iPhone for her birthday. FML

by iphonerevolution / 07/04/2014 at 8:15pm / South Africa / Kids

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. After breaking the news to my parents, I heard my dad mutter when I left, "Damn it, I liked her better than him." My mother didn't protest. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2014 at 12:53am / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I went on a date with this girl. Turns out she's a software developer, too. Our date became a technical discussion. FML

by devdevdev / 07/01/2014 at 9:20pm / Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul) / Love

Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML

by akaka / 07/14/2014 at 9:38am / United States (Ohio) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML

by Jeff / 07/15/2014 at 4:37pm / United States / Love

Today, I got rear-ended because my ultra-clingy girlfriend wouldn't let go of my hand long enough for me to shift gears. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2014 at 5:18pm / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Love