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July 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went on a date with an extremely cute girl. About 30 minutes in, she excused herself to the restroom. I waited for about 20 minutes, then I got up and left. About 10 minutes later, she called asking where I was. FML

Today, we decided to go to an aquarium for a little family get-away. At the end was a shark viewing deck, and I leaned over the rails to get a better look. How did I find out that my glasses needed to be adjusted? They fell off and sunk right to the bottom of the shark-infested waters. FML

#21211826
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42778) - you deserved it (12839)

On 07/17/2014 at 11:57am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. After breaking the news to my parents, I heard my dad mutter when I left, "Damn it, I liked her better than him." My mother didn't protest. FML

#21196912
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53891) - you deserved it (12729)

On 07/03/2014 at 12:53am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I nearly had an anxiety attack trying to sneak up on my sister to silly-string her. FML

#21205230
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32364) - you deserved it (12704)

On 07/10/2014 at 5:28pm - misc - by cassieono - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

#21206881
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59641) - you deserved it (12588)

On 07/12/2014 at 10:00am - intimacy - by weeping_angel_ - United States (New York)

Today, at my local amusement park, I decided it'd be fun to meet someone on the roller coaster by sitting alone and hoping that someone nice would sit next to me. I rode the roller coaster 7 times. I sat alone each time. FML

#21202986
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40879) - you deserved it (12460)

On 07/08/2014 at 3:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

#21218442
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51465) - you deserved it (11866)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35326) - you deserved it (11556)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went on a date with this girl. Turns out she's a software developer, too. Our date became a technical discussion. FML

#21195553
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41752) - you deserved it (11398)

On 07/01/2014 at 9:20pm - love - by devdevdev (man) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)

Today, my teenage daughter faked a suicide because I bought her a Samsung instead of an iPhone for her birthday. FML

#21198840
344 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55533) - you deserved it (11389)

On 07/04/2014 at 8:15pm - kids - by iphonerevolution - South Africa

Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML

#21209874
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49736) - you deserved it (11087)

On 07/15/2014 at 4:37pm - love - by Jeff - United States

Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML

Today, I got rear-ended because my ultra-clingy girlfriend wouldn't let go of my hand long enough for me to shift gears. FML

#21220481
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45669) - you deserved it (11007)

On 07/25/2014 at 5:18pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)



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