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April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of three years. I worked my ass off planning everything down to a T. It seemed perfect, until I actually proposed, at which point I was rejected and dumped, in front of my family, friends and two coworkers. FML

#21126146
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49791) - you deserved it (5272)

On 04/29/2014 at 10:18am - love - by willstaysingle (man) -

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

#21101196
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35802) - you deserved it (5239)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a veterans' reunion party with my grandpa. While there, a guy started yelling at me for having an unapproved haircut. It was my grandpa's old drill sergeant, and he thought I was in the army too. Everyone just smirked as he forced me to drop and do push-ups. FML

#21110214
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33962) - you deserved it (5235)

On 04/11/2014 at 10:51am - misc - by Gomer (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML

#21109873
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52640) - you deserved it (5227)

On 04/10/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by freakedout (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, at a big Easter egg hunt, the kids found a wild bunny. Everyone smiled and "aww"ed, until my dog caught and ate it in front everyone. FML

#21118358
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44849) - you deserved it (5218)

On 04/20/2014 at 7:24pm - animals - by BetterThanChocolate (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

#21126320
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45744) - you deserved it (5209)

On 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm - misc - by god (woman) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML

#21127339
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41187) - you deserved it (5191)

On 04/30/2014 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant for a friend's birthday. There were two very attractive waiters. They waited until I went to the toilet to sit down, talk to my friends and hit on them. They promptly left upon my return. Men avoid me. FML

Today, my coworkers decided to throw me a surprise baby shower. I'm not pregnant. FML

#21126521
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42984) - you deserved it (5186)

On 04/29/2014 at 6:58pm - work - by fat girl - United States (Alaska)

Today, a week after moving into my new house, I'm seriously considering suing the previous occupant. He failed to mention how the neighbor has his own band and rehearses every other day until 2am. Their music is so bad, it sounds like the wailing of a cat being tortured to death. FML

#21105113
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37078) - you deserved it (5168)

On 04/05/2014 at 11:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend. As we walked back home from the cinema, he was checking his phone, when suddenly someone grabbed it and ran off. I had to be the one to go run after the thug because my 23-year-old boyfriend froze on the spot, crying. FML

Today, my drug addict of a roommate convinced herself my red kitten was Pennywise the clown in disguise waiting to kill her, and hit him over the head with a pan. FML

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

#21123602
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36459) - you deserved it (5086)

On 04/26/2014 at 3:55pm - misc - by fuckingfloridahowihatethee (woman) - United States (Florida)



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