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April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I discovered that the laser disc player I used to have was not in fact a laser disc player but a Pioneer Laseractive. Broken ones sell on eBay for $200 and working ones sell for around $1000. I sold a working one for less than $100-worth of credit at a second-hand store. FML

#21102658
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35123) - you deserved it (16848)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:20am - misc - by Sad Nerd (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

#21119041
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52304) - you deserved it (14632)

On 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by sexual parrot -

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

#21118892
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54138) - you deserved it (13431)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:43am - intimacy - by Sue Ellen (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML

#21114249
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40242) - you deserved it (13093)

On 04/16/2014 at 12:13am - misc - by Confused (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after years of marriage and my lazy husband letting himself go, I can now finish a bottle of wine and still be sober. This means I've built immunity to the last thing that can make me want to have sex with him. FML

#21119490
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49274) - you deserved it (13046)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

#21105190
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41619) - you deserved it (12896)

On 04/05/2014 at 1:48pm - work - by =( (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad and I got into an argument. When I was proven wrong, he said, "Good job, genius." I shot back the first thing that popped into my head, which was "I am not a genius!" He laughed and says that if I die before him, he's having that engraved on my tombstone. FML

#21122879
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32689) - you deserved it (12803)

On 04/25/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I locked myself out of my dorm room. I walked across campus, shoe-less and in nothing but my bathrobe, to find someone who could let me back in. Turns out I hadn't even shut the door properly and so it never actually locked. I can still hear the guy laughing at me. FML

#21120721
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34760) - you deserved it (12605)

On 04/23/2014 at 10:54am - misc - by killmenow (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, while on a first date, I had to excuse myself to the restroom. I was still tired from pulling an all-nighter, and fell asleep on the toilet. When I woke up and rushed back out, my date was gone. Everyone now thinks I'm an arsehole who pulled the old "window escape" trick on her. FML

#21106078
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42682) - you deserved it (12466)

On 04/06/2014 at 5:07pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML

#21116391
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36084) - you deserved it (12444)

On 04/18/2014 at 2:24pm - animals - by hold your horses pony boy - United States

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

#21116013
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36587) - you deserved it (12148)

On 04/18/2014 at 1:37am - misc - by Fatass - United States (Tennessee)

Today, in an attempt to potty train my step-son, my boyfriend and I put underwear on him, hoping that when he peed himself, he would realize using the potty is the way to go. Instead, he peed while sitting on the couch, got up, took off the underwear, and then switched seats. FML

#21106771
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37168) - you deserved it (12043)

On 04/07/2014 at 1:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML

#21104650
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39515) - you deserved it (11863)

On 04/04/2014 at 7:20pm - love - by ohai ur hawt, wanna fuzzzZzZZzzZzz (man) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)



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