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April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML

#21112565
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53978) - you deserved it (7201)

On 04/14/2014 at 2:29am - intimacy - by teddyissmall (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML

#21105078
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74296) - you deserved it (7162)

On 04/05/2014 at 10:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

#21123743
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43089) - you deserved it (7153)

On 04/26/2014 at 7:29pm - work - by caught out - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

#21116703
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44885) - you deserved it (7151)

On 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm - work - by Anonymous - Norway (Nordland)

Today, I asked my son to go to the grocery store across the street and pick up some lettuce. He sighed and said, "Why don't you just order it on Amazon?" FML

#21124599
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45638) - you deserved it (7098)

On 04/27/2014 at 7:01pm - kids - by nh-Amazon - United States (Texas)

Today, I went hiking with my family. A local had told us about the trail, saying the two mile walk would lead us to a seventy-foot waterfall. After seven miles of trekking in the sweltering sun with no food, we finally found the waterfall. It was barely ten feet tall. FML

#21117710
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41632) - you deserved it (7068)

On 04/20/2014 at 12:52am - misc - by why?? (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I learned my girlfriend was cheating on me. After giving her a second chance and meeting her parents for the first time, her father said at the dinner table, "I like the other guy better." FML

#21126578
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45467) - you deserved it (7058)

On 04/29/2014 at 8:10pm - misc - by gircos (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, while I was waiting for the bus, I was whistling. I saw a cute girl running and I looked at my phone so it didn't seem too awkward. I was still whistling as she passed by so it sounded like I whistled at her. She ran back to slap me. FML

#21113376
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41388) - you deserved it (7037)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:24am - misc - by heycutie - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML

#21111270
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46726) - you deserved it (6935)

On 04/12/2014 at 5:01pm - animals - by princess (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the girl I've been dating for two weeks brought up the topic of marriage, then started asking me when we're moving in together. FML

#21102998
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49390) - you deserved it (6712)

On 04/02/2014 at 5:22pm - love - by fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuc (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

#21107421
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46032) - you deserved it (6709)

On 04/08/2014 at 3:56am - misc - by the long distance guy - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I finally decided to do something productive and clean my room. When I went to pick up the first thing off my floor I hit my head on my desk and gave myself a concussion. FML

#21123165
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37669) - you deserved it (6707)

On 04/26/2014 at 12:22am - misc - by vee2013 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was out drinking with some colleagues, when one started ranting about some pretty sensitive subjects. There were some Latino guys nearby, and as soon as he said "I'm not racist, but..." I tried to casually get the hell out of there. We all got the crap beaten out of us anyway. FML

#21122958
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42762) - you deserved it (6685)

On 04/25/2014 at 7:45pm - health - by fuck you, Jeff (man) - United States (Arizona)



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