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April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML

#21104962
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48131) - you deserved it (7814)

On 04/05/2014 at 3:14am - intimacy - by armtits and big pits - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML

#21110801
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52833) - you deserved it (7773)

On 04/12/2014 at 1:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

#21112870
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60760) - you deserved it (7711)

On 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML

#21124319
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44059) - you deserved it (7543)

On 04/27/2014 at 1:05pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML

#21108665
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45305) - you deserved it (7433)

On 04/09/2014 at 5:12pm - intimacy - by damn (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

#21101616
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57297) - you deserved it (7380)

On 04/01/2014 at 2:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I finally worked up the guts to add the guy I like on Facebook. To make it less obvious, I added 15 other people as well. Everyone added me back, except him. FML

#21125472
120 comments

Today, after an entire year spent in physical therapy recovering from three knee surgeries, I finally returned to doing light agility exercises and running on a treadmill. When I told my therapist I had never been so happy and proud, he responded with, "This usually only takes 5 months, pussy." FML

#21122058
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43762) - you deserved it (7228)

On 04/24/2014 at 7:42pm - health - by AnonymousAndSad (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

#21118643
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48962) - you deserved it (7100)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Taylor - United States (Iowa)

Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck. It would seem my rabbit has a thing for doing his business on me to wake me up. FML

#21103637
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36875) - you deserved it (7098)

On 04/03/2014 at 12:36pm - animals - by Cali girl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

#21114169
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39614) - you deserved it (7004)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:48pm - health - by Nose bleed - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I asked my son to go to the grocery store across the street and pick up some lettuce. He sighed and said, "Why don't you just order it on Amazon?" FML

#21124599
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44583) - you deserved it (6986)

On 04/27/2014 at 7:01pm - kids - by nh-Amazon - United States (Texas)



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