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March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

#21084464
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41175) - you deserved it (5902)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML

#21086436
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36531) - you deserved it (5801)

On 03/14/2014 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, during my dinner break, I was forced to listen to a coworker talk about how he dumped his needy ex for another woman. I'm the ex. We kept our relationship secret from our coworkers. I guess now I know why he dumped me. FML

#21094928
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45213) - you deserved it (5704)

On 03/24/2014 at 2:56am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my sister told me about a website that explained why our stressed cat has been obsessively pulling out the fur on her legs. Interested, I asked for a link. Not just out of deep concern for the cat, but because I have the same problem. FML

#21077438
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35326) - you deserved it (5654)

On 03/03/2014 at 11:40pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, after years of frustration, I got a t-shirt printed that says, "I am a girl". FML

#21097950
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38242) - you deserved it (5611)

On 03/27/2014 at 6:34pm - misc - by mookiemookie01 (woman) -

Today, I was making a special birthday delivery for a customer. As I handed her the fruit basket, I said, "Hey, we have the same birthday! Happy birthday!" She called me an attention whore and slammed the door in my face. FML

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

#21078597
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69238) - you deserved it (5433)

On 03/05/2014 at 7:33am - health - by rolypoly (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML

Today, no matter how many toys and teddies she has, and no matter how much I punish her, I am most likely never going to be able to break my 10-week-old puppy's habit of stealing my underwear. She doesn't eat them or even chew on them. She steals them to sleep with. FML

#21096727
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40458) - you deserved it (5390)

On 03/26/2014 at 4:45am - animals - by Punphmelch (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML

#21091119
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40540) - you deserved it (5349)

On 03/19/2014 at 7:19pm - misc - by BigBlue (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML

#21074975
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46925) - you deserved it (5336)

On 03/01/2014 at 1:46pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally finished watching Dexter. I was more disappointed by the finale than the picture I later received of my girlfriend cheating on me. FML

#21095894
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44223) - you deserved it (5322)

On 03/25/2014 at 7:36am - misc - by disappointed - United States (North Dakota)

Today, for the third time this week, a random person in the street walked up to me and told me how much I look like Grumpy Cat. FML

#21091998
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38331) - you deserved it (5301)

On 03/20/2014 at 6:18pm - misc - by no (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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