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March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

#21092859
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46089) - you deserved it (5990)

On 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I was walking through the main lobby at school and I saw someone waving at me, so I waved back. Turns out she was just cleaning a glass door. I heard laughter behind me. FML

#21085559
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39272) - you deserved it (5925)

On 03/13/2014 at 7:59am - misc - by Crochocinco85 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a history project back that I worked very hard on. The teacher didn't bother to write any feedback, besides, "Did you even understand the assignment?" on the back. FML

#21096559
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34228) - you deserved it (5880)

On 03/25/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by student101 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

#21088237
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42714) - you deserved it (5859)

On 03/16/2014 at 3:28pm - health - by thanksdad (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML

#21093699
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43284) - you deserved it (5796)

On 03/22/2014 at 6:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was sad, but the only thing my mom could say was, "You should have waited until I got him to mow the lawn." FML

#21083870
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39080) - you deserved it (5783)

On 03/11/2014 at 9:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Israel

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

#21085518
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54703) - you deserved it (5756)

On 03/13/2014 at 5:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, it was snowing. After answering a call, I put my phone into my jacket pocket, and hurried across the road. I quickly realised my phone hadn't slipped into my pocket after all, and I turned around in time to see a snowplow go by. I couldn't find my phone in the snowdrifts. FML

#21081494
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39050) - you deserved it (5743)

On 03/08/2014 at 4:43pm - misc - by shoopbadeewoop (man) -

Today, my mum begged me to let her put fake nails on me to practice for her styling exam. I've been sitting on the toilet for the past half an hour trying to figure out how to wipe without damaging something. FML

Today, while working at Dairy Queen, a customer asked me what was so special about our ice cream cakes, and how they're different from regular cakes. I chuckled, and told her it's because they're made from ice cream. She threw a fit, which resulted in me being written up and sent home early. FML

#21096589
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38407) - you deserved it (5704)

On 03/25/2014 at 11:53pm - work - by Coryj1220 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML

#21074731
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49212) - you deserved it (5619)

On 03/01/2014 at 5:42am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML

#21086436
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34998) - you deserved it (5604)

On 03/14/2014 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a teenage girl bumped into me and my phone fell out of my hands, and over the Golden Gate Bridge. FML

#21081896
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54788) - you deserved it (5578)

On 03/09/2014 at 1:08am - misc - by Seriously? - United States (California)



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