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March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

#21092859
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47095) - you deserved it (6138)

On 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML

#21094549
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40729) - you deserved it (6123)

On 03/23/2014 at 7:02pm - misc - by butterbody - United Kingdom

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

#21088237
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44035) - you deserved it (6012)

On 03/16/2014 at 3:28pm - health - by thanksdad (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, while working at Dairy Queen, a customer asked me what was so special about our ice cream cakes, and how they're different from regular cakes. I chuckled, and told her it's because they're made from ice cream. She threw a fit, which resulted in me being written up and sent home early. FML

#21096589
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40578) - you deserved it (5967)

On 03/25/2014 at 11:53pm - work - by Coryj1220 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, it was snowing. After answering a call, I put my phone into my jacket pocket, and hurried across the road. I quickly realised my phone hadn't slipped into my pocket after all, and I turned around in time to see a snowplow go by. I couldn't find my phone in the snowdrifts. FML

#21081494
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40728) - you deserved it (5957)

On 03/08/2014 at 4:43pm - misc - by shoopbadeewoop (man) -

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

#21085518
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56493) - you deserved it (5932)

On 03/13/2014 at 5:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I was walking through the main lobby at school and I saw someone waving at me, so I waved back. Turns out she was just cleaning a glass door. I heard laughter behind me. FML

#21085559
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39352) - you deserved it (5931)

On 03/13/2014 at 7:59am - misc - by Crochocinco85 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML

#21074731
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51901) - you deserved it (5877)

On 03/01/2014 at 5:42am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had the most intelligent conversation I've ever had with my boyfriend. He was getting really in-depth about subjects like biotechnology and gamma radiation. I soon realized he was only referring to the Incredible Hulk. FML

#21078096
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37914) - you deserved it (5839)

On 03/04/2014 at 6:25pm - misc - by cubs44fan - United States (Indiana)

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

#21084464
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40441) - you deserved it (5828)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML

#21093699
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43397) - you deserved it (5802)

On 03/22/2014 at 6:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was sad, but the only thing my mom could say was, "You should have waited until I got him to mow the lawn." FML

#21083870
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39156) - you deserved it (5789)

On 03/11/2014 at 9:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Israel

Today, my mum begged me to let her put fake nails on me to practice for her styling exam. I've been sitting on the toilet for the past half an hour trying to figure out how to wipe without damaging something. FML



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