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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

#21025234
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54133) - you deserved it (5405)

On 01/12/2014 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML

#21016986
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53041) - you deserved it (5400)

On 01/04/2014 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned that my new parakeet hates her reflection, and will screech loudly day and night unless I take the mirror out. My other parakeet loves the mirror and constantly cries out when I remove it. I can't win. FML

#21021435
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41051) - you deserved it (5373)

On 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm - animals - by bird - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason why my credit card mysteriously maxed out 2 months ago 'might have been' because she posted a picture of it on Facebook. I ordered a new credit card without the custom picture of us immediately. She broke up with me. FML

#21035364
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48723) - you deserved it (5351)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:59pm - love - by FacebookStrikesAgain (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML

#21035414
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39998) - you deserved it (5290)

On 01/21/2014 at 7:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, after three weeks of fighting with my husband, I found out that he really didn't create an account on a website for cheaters and charge the bill to his credit card. Our daughter did it as a prank, and only confessed because our fighting was stressing her out. FML

#21031747
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46038) - you deserved it (5212)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my 11 month-old son started viciously biting whatever part of my anatomy he can sink his teeth into. He thinks it is hysterical to latch on while I scream helplessly in pain for him to let go. FML

#21012312
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34587) - you deserved it (5124)

On 01/01/2014 at 12:38am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML

#21031072
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38769) - you deserved it (5067)

On 01/17/2014 at 6:28pm - health - by SqueakingRetard (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML

#21016204
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48247) - you deserved it (5041)

On 01/04/2014 at 1:06am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

#21044324
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47348) - you deserved it (5030)

On 01/29/2014 at 5:14pm - love - by riiiight (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, it was my first day at my new job. Not only does everyone hate me for replacing a guy they all liked, I managed to clog the only functional toilet there. The glares and threatening head-shaking they keep doing probably means I'm screwed. FML

#21023700
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38091) - you deserved it (5023)

On 01/10/2014 at 4:46pm - work - by shite (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my parents left early in the morning to run some errands, and I thought it would be nice to shovel our rather large driveway for them while they were out. An hour later, they returned from the store with a snow blower. FML

#21032937
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45523) - you deserved it (5003)

On 01/19/2014 at 3:35pm - misc - by fail (man) - United States

Today, I went to an important job interview. I was really anxious but tried to soldier on anyway. When I was called in, my nerves got so bad that I reverted to speaking my second language. Not first, second. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting the job. FML

#21035049
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36102) - you deserved it (4996)

On 01/21/2014 at 1:55pm - work - by ugh (woman) - Japan (Tokyo)



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Thursday 10 April 2014

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