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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

#21034982
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43052) - you deserved it (7079)

On 01/21/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by idiot says pussy (man) - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

#21045897
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47803) - you deserved it (7062)

On 01/31/2014 at 1:16am - intimacy - by CatBlock (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, it's my 8 year anniversary. My boyfriend's "romantic" gesture for the occasion was to toss a few McDonald's coupons at me and tell me to get whatever I wanted. FML

#21044284
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45548) - you deserved it (6992)

On 01/29/2014 at 4:28pm - love - by CUNTCUNTCUNT (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

#21019231
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56358) - you deserved it (6932)

On 01/06/2014 at 4:32pm - misc - by innocent - Australia

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

#21025897
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54011) - you deserved it (6762)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:00pm - health - by foreveralone - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

#21032373
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45553) - you deserved it (6582)

On 01/19/2014 at 12:17am - kids - by MommyProblems (woman) - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

#21044971
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52810) - you deserved it (6578)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML

#21016986
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61108) - you deserved it (6577)

On 01/04/2014 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I spent nearly half an hour clearing several inches of snow off my car. After almost suffering from hypothermia, I finished. Except the car keys were missing from my pocket, presumably buried under a foot of snow. FML

#21018283
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41628) - you deserved it (6565)

On 01/05/2014 at 9:04pm - misc - by frozen solid - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

#21046533
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59152) - you deserved it (6541) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm - intimacy - by prochainefois (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my younger brother asked if he could watch me put a tampon in. He's 17. FML

#21029617
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68003) - you deserved it (6421)

On 01/16/2014 at 8:37am - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - Vietnam (Ha Noi)

Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML

#21031087
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50672) - you deserved it (6406)

On 01/17/2014 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my first ever job interview. I thought I was doing well, until the recruiter asked why he should hire me. The only thing I could say was "Because I'm really, really nervous right now?" FML



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