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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

#21021762
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39474) - you deserved it (11030)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:54pm - love - by Unfortunately Me (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

#21042937
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39835) - you deserved it (10906)

On 01/28/2014 at 12:06pm - health - by just the tip, though - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she found some lesbian porn on my computer. Her reasoning? That I must secretly be gay. FML

#21042109
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45057) - you deserved it (10184)

On 01/27/2014 at 6:32pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

#21035329
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51540) - you deserved it (10149)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by MM - United States (Maine)

Today, I asked my girlfriend's dad for permission to take her hand in marriage. He said no, because he doesn't want her marrying a "sexist idiot who treats her like property", which he thinks asking permission amounts to, then told me to grow up. FML

#21033078
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49097) - you deserved it (10034)

On 01/19/2014 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

#21037288
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44238) - you deserved it (9956)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by fappy dog - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

#21012735
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47573) - you deserved it (9670)

On 01/01/2014 at 8:26am - intimacy - by Snufflopagus (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

#21040159
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45912) - you deserved it (9449)

On 01/25/2014 at 11:29pm - kids - by mom - United States (Texas)

Today, after I took my first set of exams, my professor posted on Twitter, scoffing at how stupid one student's answer was. The answer he quoted was one that I wrote. FML

#21036248
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46540) - you deserved it (9432)

On 01/22/2014 at 4:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

#21033383
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58535) - you deserved it (9409)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

#21020358
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49601) - you deserved it (9359)

On 01/07/2014 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by owl + bungee cord (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

#21031414
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49567) - you deserved it (9319)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after much debate I let my mom wax my eyebrows. Now I get to look super surprised until they grow back. FML

#21024170
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37520) - you deserved it (9305)

On 01/11/2014 at 12:49am - misc - by madib33 (woman) - United States



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