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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

#21038360
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40617) - you deserved it (9249)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, after I took my first set of exams, my professor posted on Twitter, scoffing at how stupid one student's answer was. The answer he quoted was one that I wrote. FML

#21036248
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45217) - you deserved it (9196)

On 01/22/2014 at 4:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she found some lesbian porn on my computer. Her reasoning? That I must secretly be gay. FML

#21042109
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42286) - you deserved it (9163)

On 01/27/2014 at 6:32pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, my wife and I were watching a football game. While someone was about to score, she started screaming, "Go!" and "Come on! You can do it! Go baby, go!" My first thought was that I wished I could still make her scream like that. FML

#21026614
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46896) - you deserved it (9160)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I asked my girlfriend's dad for permission to take her hand in marriage. He said no, because he doesn't want her marrying a "sexist idiot who treats her like property", which he thinks asking permission amounts to, then told me to grow up. FML

#21033078
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46125) - you deserved it (9052)

On 01/19/2014 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

#21031414
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47290) - you deserved it (8638)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after much debate I let my mom wax my eyebrows. Now I get to look super surprised until they grow back. FML

#21024170
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35304) - you deserved it (8563)

On 01/11/2014 at 12:49am - misc - by madib33 (woman) - United States

Today, I brought up the subject of marriage with my boyfriend. His response was to shoot me with a nerf gun and laugh. FML

#21019101
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41354) - you deserved it (8493)

On 01/06/2014 at 2:20pm - love - by CatLady - United States (California)

Today, I bought an automatic air refresher. I put the can and batteries in, and it promptly sprayed a blast of its scent down my throat. Now I can't breathe without tasting it. FML

#21032966
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35885) - you deserved it (8429)

On 01/19/2014 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

#21037288
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39264) - you deserved it (8411)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by fappy dog - United States (Illinois)

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

#21040159
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42337) - you deserved it (8328)

On 01/25/2014 at 11:29pm - kids - by mom - United States (Texas)

Today, when I am asked to do something and I don't do it immediately, my mother threatens to "twerk" in front of my friends. FML

#21014763
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41772) - you deserved it (8229)

On 01/02/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by FMLPLZ (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

#21035329
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44866) - you deserved it (8214)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by MM - United States (Maine)



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