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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

#21021931
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40303) - you deserved it (12614)

On 01/08/2014 at 10:23pm - misc - by chapstick (man) - United States (California)

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

#21041278
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41560) - you deserved it (12545)

On 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by sabz21 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I dropped my phone in the wet snow. I read that putting it in rice helps to get the water out. Three pieces of rice are now frozen into the power port, and I can't get the charger in. FML

#21034026
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39041) - you deserved it (12502)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:34pm - misc - by merrr - Canada

Today, I noticed that the condom in my wallet has been there so long it's left a mark. FML

Today, I decided to light a lantern and watch it fly with my girlfriend after midnight. The neighbor's tree caught fire. FML

#21012276
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36592) - you deserved it (12080)

On 01/01/2014 at 12:17am - misc - by claubea11 - Puerto Rico

Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML

#21013681
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55663) - you deserved it (12037)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

#21015630
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36850) - you deserved it (11955)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:04pm - misc - by thanks.... (man) - United States

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

#21012409
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50222) - you deserved it (11922)

On 01/01/2014 at 1:41am - intimacy - by Lonesome (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML

#21029770
327 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53002) - you deserved it (11920)

On 01/16/2014 at 12:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

#21038360
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46032) - you deserved it (11531)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

#21043704
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44425) - you deserved it (11473)

On 01/29/2014 at 12:13am - love - by freed - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

#21046118
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59167) - you deserved it (11469)

On 01/31/2014 at 10:29am - intimacy - by wtfjusthappened - United States (Washington)

Today, my wife and I were watching a football game. While someone was about to score, she started screaming, "Go!" and "Come on! You can do it! Go baby, go!" My first thought was that I wished I could still make her scream like that. FML

#21026614
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53532) - you deserved it (11388)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)



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