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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

#21041278
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39771) - you deserved it (11621)

On 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by sabz21 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

#21021931
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37924) - you deserved it (11547)

On 01/08/2014 at 10:23pm - misc - by chapstick (man) - United States (California)

Today, I dropped my phone in the wet snow. I read that putting it in rice helps to get the water out. Three pieces of rice are now frozen into the power port, and I can't get the charger in. FML

#21034026
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37211) - you deserved it (11546)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:34pm - misc - by merrr - Canada

Today, my students unanimously agreed, in front of me, that the only reason they take my course is to look at my ass. FML

#21028396
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50586) - you deserved it (11271)

On 01/15/2014 at 12:54am - intimacy - by jseid2 - United States (California)

Today, I decided to light a lantern and watch it fly with my girlfriend after midnight. The neighbor's tree caught fire. FML

#21012276
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34804) - you deserved it (11096)

On 01/01/2014 at 12:17am - misc - by claubea11 - Puerto Rico

Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML

#21029770
335 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48886) - you deserved it (10474)

On 01/16/2014 at 12:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

#21043704
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40431) - you deserved it (10147)

On 01/29/2014 at 12:13am - love - by freed - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

#21021762
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36731) - you deserved it (10109)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:54pm - love - by Unfortunately Me (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I noticed that the condom in my wallet has been there so long it's left a mark. FML

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

#21042937
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37045) - you deserved it (9736)

On 01/28/2014 at 12:06pm - health - by just the tip, though - United States (Georgia)

Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML

#21013681
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47924) - you deserved it (9622)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

#21012409
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42810) - you deserved it (9469)

On 01/01/2014 at 1:41am - intimacy - by Lonesome (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

#21046118
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52449) - you deserved it (9402)

On 01/31/2014 at 10:29am - intimacy - by wtfjusthappened - United States (Washington)



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