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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I learned that my new parakeet hates her reflection, and will screech loudly day and night unless I take the mirror out. My other parakeet loves the mirror and constantly cries out when I remove it. I can't win. FML

#21021435
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44356) - you deserved it (5769)

On 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm - animals - by bird - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to an important job interview. I was really anxious but tried to soldier on anyway. When I was called in, my nerves got so bad that I reverted to speaking my second language. Not first, second. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting the job. FML

#21035049
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40037) - you deserved it (5734)

On 01/21/2014 at 1:55pm - work - by ugh (woman) - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

#21028790
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42909) - you deserved it (5662)

On 01/15/2014 at 2:22pm - misc - by coop42 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I took a nap in my car right after finishing up at work. I was woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat, watching me sleep. Apparently, he'd managed to unlock the door with a wire hanger. FML

#21027083
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48261) - you deserved it (5649)

On 01/13/2014 at 10:31pm - misc - by ShelterForTheHomless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

#21027732
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56846) - you deserved it (5616)

On 01/14/2014 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

#21028949
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63029) - you deserved it (5611)

On 01/15/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by DisturbedMan (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML

#21036142
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43634) - you deserved it (5541)

On 01/22/2014 at 2:23pm - misc - by IMSERIOUS - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML

#21031915
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53746) - you deserved it (5520)

On 01/18/2014 at 4:09pm - love - by yes i meant ex-boyfriend (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

#21043189
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45328) - you deserved it (5518)

On 01/28/2014 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Bahrain (Al Manamah)

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

#21044324
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50973) - you deserved it (5493)

On 01/29/2014 at 5:14pm - love - by riiiight (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I'm a 34 year old male who just got given the sex talk on my Facebook timeline by my senile mother. 5ML

#21038727
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49785) - you deserved it (5477)

On 01/24/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

#21016902
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47069) - you deserved it (5466)

On 01/04/2014 at 6:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

#21023350
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44264) - you deserved it (5444)

On 01/10/2014 at 6:15am - animals - by RaccoonFever - United States (California)



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