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November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML

Today, my grocery shopping consisted of Poptarts, SpaghettiOs, Lucky Charms, Popsicles, Easy Mac, and Twinkies. I'm a 25-year-old woman with no kids. FML

#20947507
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34021) - you deserved it (20711)

On 11/06/2013 at 8:04am - misc - by pathetic (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I've been awake for nearly three days due to homework and my mom's wedding preparations, so I took some adderall to keep me awake at school. I took too much, totally zoned out in class, became hopelessly fascinated by my own hand, and was accused of doing drugs. FML

#20950229
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36346) - you deserved it (19826)

On 11/08/2013 at 12:43pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

#20961988
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44575) - you deserved it (18004)

On 11/18/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by flavored (woman) - United States

Today, I met my brother's girlfriend. We got talking, and we got onto the subject of tattoos. I said how much I hated tramp stamps, and how they make girls look trashy. She said, "Like this?" and showed me hers. FML

#20952213
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38751) - you deserved it (17960)

On 11/10/2013 at 12:51am - misc - by tramp - United States

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

#20970124
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49045) - you deserved it (17707)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by sister sister - United States (New York)

Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML

#20950354
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41806) - you deserved it (17566)

On 11/08/2013 at 3:02pm - intimacy - by notsogood - United States

Today, a girl came up and hugged me. At first I was frightened, but then I asked who she was. Turns out she was the kid I babysat for 3 years. She cried when she realized I didn't remember her, then threw gravel in my face and ran away. FML

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

#20972170
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31147) - you deserved it (14768)

On 11/27/2013 at 3:44am - health - by MissYouPieceOfSkin (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I jack off "real weird." FML

#20957730
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45985) - you deserved it (14684)

On 11/14/2013 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by jack s.b. (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after just having used the bathroom, my ring fell in the toilet. After stealthily removing it with a toothbrush, I went to go wash it in the sink. It then fell down the drain. FML

#20960472
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42836) - you deserved it (12895)

On 11/17/2013 at 1:00am - misc - by LizGo - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML

#20970235
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42572) - you deserved it (12826)

On 11/25/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

#20955991
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48077) - you deserved it (12619)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by CanWeAllGetOne - United States (Texas)



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