Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for months. I texted him, and he thought I was Maddy from work, not Maddie his neighbor. Now he and the Maddy from his work are dating. FML

#20945397
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54585) - you deserved it (5646)

On 11/04/2013 at 5:27pm - love - by :/ (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46720) - you deserved it (5645)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at a diner with friends when we decided to put our phones in the middle of the table on the basis that whoever looks at theirs first has to pay. It was going well, until someone rushed up behind me, slammed my face into the table and ran out with our 4 phones. FML

#20961108
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43168) - you deserved it (5628)

On 11/17/2013 at 4:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 7 year old daughter explained to a taxi driver that she was born from my "vagina that doesn't have hair". He winked creepily at me and said, "I bet it doesn't." FML

#20970485
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45247) - you deserved it (5621)

On 11/25/2013 at 6:42pm - misc - by jazopalchris (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, for the tenth time, my teacher made a misbehaving student sit next to me as punishment. He begged for detention instead. FML

#20945365
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51024) - you deserved it (5605)

On 11/04/2013 at 5:01pm - misc - by WinkleBottom (man) - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her. She left and never came back. FML

#20943458
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53959) - you deserved it (5562)

On 11/03/2013 at 4:57am - love - by Whatswrongwithme? (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML

#20942539
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48797) - you deserved it (5535)

On 11/02/2013 at 1:34pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got into a fight with my brother that somehow ended with him breaking my toe with a Fisher-Price airplane. FML

#20955006
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38672) - you deserved it (5394)

On 11/12/2013 at 10:27am - kids - by CurseYouSonyaLee (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She asked if the ring was a temporary thing until I got a better one, saw my dumbfounded face, then played it off as a joke and said yes. I later found out she'd posted on Facebook bitching about the ring, but with the privacy setting set to hide it from me. FML

#20975896
327 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58920) - you deserved it (5320)

On 11/30/2013 at 3:29pm - love - by fuckface? I wish (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML

#20953149
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40566) - you deserved it (5247)

On 11/10/2013 at 8:52pm - work - by kittkatt1 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I arrived home after leaving for college in August. My dad figured that the most appropriate way to welcome me back was a loud, piercing fart right when I walked through the front door. FML

#20971993
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35671) - you deserved it (5158)

On 11/26/2013 at 11:42pm - misc - by squirts -

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

#20971381
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48820) - you deserved it (5115)

On 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

#20951750
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68241) - you deserved it (5088)

On 11/09/2013 at 6:30pm - intimacy - by f (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: