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November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML

#20967131
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38493) - you deserved it (5398)

On 11/22/2013 at 6:14pm - kids - by houdinette (woman) - Sweden (Ostergotlands Lan)

Today, I met the guy I've been talking to online for two years in real life. He tried to convince me to have his children because they would be average height. He's a midget and I'm 6'2". This is the most romantic thing anybody has ever said to me. FML

#20973561
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43978) - you deserved it (5398)

On 11/28/2013 at 11:34am - love - by heightdifference (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44467) - you deserved it (5393)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML

#20942539
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46804) - you deserved it (5339)

On 11/02/2013 at 1:34pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a diner with friends when we decided to put our phones in the middle of the table on the basis that whoever looks at theirs first has to pay. It was going well, until someone rushed up behind me, slammed my face into the table and ran out with our 4 phones. FML

#20961108
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40837) - you deserved it (5333)

On 11/17/2013 at 4:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 7 year old daughter explained to a taxi driver that she was born from my "vagina that doesn't have hair". He winked creepily at me and said, "I bet it doesn't." FML

#20970485
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42034) - you deserved it (5218)

On 11/25/2013 at 6:42pm - misc - by jazopalchris (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a fetish for cats. I think I'm going to have to meow before we do anything together. FML

#20971142
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41469) - you deserved it (5188)

On 11/26/2013 at 7:17am - intimacy - by HaedLei (woman) - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She asked if the ring was a temporary thing until I got a better one, saw my dumbfounded face, then played it off as a joke and said yes. I later found out she'd posted on Facebook bitching about the ring, but with the privacy setting set to hide it from me. FML

#20975896
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57099) - you deserved it (5161)

On 11/30/2013 at 3:29pm - love - by fuckface? I wish (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML

#20953149
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39205) - you deserved it (5093)

On 11/10/2013 at 8:52pm - work - by kittkatt1 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got into a fight with my brother that somehow ended with him breaking my toe with a Fisher-Price airplane. FML

#20955006
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35778) - you deserved it (5076)

On 11/12/2013 at 10:27am - kids - by CurseYouSonyaLee (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I arrived home after leaving for college in August. My dad figured that the most appropriate way to welcome me back was a loud, piercing fart right when I walked through the front door. FML

#20971993
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33115) - you deserved it (4876)

On 11/26/2013 at 11:42pm - misc - by squirts -

Today, I realized my wedding ring had fallen off while doing yard work the previous day. Luckily, I only worked in a few areas, so I had high hopes of finding it. That is until a storm came through, blew half a foot of leaves all over the property, and then froze them with sleet. FML

Today, my mother was scolding my youngest sister for having unprotected sex with yet another partner. She continued with, "Why can't you be like your brother and just never have sex?" I'm 22, and she's not wrong. FML

#20952236
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46668) - you deserved it (4854)

On 11/10/2013 at 1:15am - misc - by notgettinsome - Australia



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