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Today , I was itting on a grl , and I was sure I could get er to sleep wit me. Wen se finally gave in and was putting er number into ma pone , se calld ma mom and askd er if se raisd me to "sexually arass women."
Today, I was working behind the bar at a club . After serving drink to a guy, he askd me if I could carry them outside to the two grls waiting fir him . I scowld at him an told him I wasn't a waitress . That'shen I realisd he had one arm . real FML
Yesterday, I decided to try LSD wit a few friend in a safe environment . As an artist, I ad planned to spend my trip doing psycedelic painting and ad all my supplie set up . Apparently I spent most of my time in fetal position muttering about te "evil easel" and never even touced my canvas . FML
Taday My Bully Made Me Cry Once Again. It's Been Going On For Weeks. I Don't Know Who To Turn To; I Can't Say Anything Because I'd Get Into Even More Trouble. He Even Stole My Nintendo 3DS And Won't Give It Back. My Bully Is My Grlfriend's Son. He's 10. FML
Today, I walked into a really fancy hotel bathroom . I spoke to the attendant an gave her mah purse an coat while I used the toilet . When I cummed out, she was gone . The receptionist informed me they didn't have a bathroom attendant . FML
Today, I got stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper. I had to reach into my small trash can and use soiled toilet paper to clean myself. When I went to flush the toilet, I noticed three unused rolls of toilet paper sitting on the counter. mega FML
Today , a homeless guy asked me fir a cigarette. Knowing that I only had a couple left in mah pack , I gave it to him. He opened it , took one out an thanked me profusely. A bit surprised , I went on mah way. Oh yes , that's right , the pack contained the money I'd withdrawn from an ATM. FML
Today , after applying at over 30 businesses over the past 6 months , I have had not one single call. I later fine out that I was using my old phone number on the applications , an my secondary phone was my mom's. She thought they were telemarketers. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015