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October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

#20915293
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41029) - you deserved it (3351)

On 10/10/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by Lady Douche of Asscrackington (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML

#20940427
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49849) - you deserved it (3336)

On 10/31/2013 at 4:42pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML

#20932049
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44539) - you deserved it (3330)

On 10/24/2013 at 2:05am - kids - by he's still not convinced (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke a glass in the kitchen and accidentally stepped on it, cutting his foot. He asked me if I could help him clean his cut. Apparently, he's ticklish and I now have a huge bruise on my chest from where he kicked me. FML

#20929509
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40451) - you deserved it (3324)

On 10/21/2013 at 9:24pm - health - by ouch.... (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mom made fun of me because I'm 16 and have never had a boyfriend, then bragged that at my age she was already pregnant with me. FML

#20918137
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56923) - you deserved it (3316)

On 10/12/2013 at 9:59pm - misc - by roundtherose - United States (Alaska)

Today, as I was walking home, a car drove through a puddle and splashed me like in a cheesy movie. As if that wasn't annoying enough, the driver had to pull over because she was laughing too hard. FML

#20907968
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46488) - you deserved it (3308)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by CelibateHero (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML

#20925456
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40610) - you deserved it (3306)

On 10/18/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by DocBastard, meet DocCunt (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

#20912578
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57776) - you deserved it (3300)

On 10/08/2013 at 3:17pm - misc - by mathgenius - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

#20905661
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38343) - you deserved it (3289)

On 10/03/2013 at 4:26am - animals - by hoo flung pu - United States

Today, I got two pieces of mail. One was a fine for not presenting my concession card to ticket inspectors on a train. The other was my concession card. FML

#20912116
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40970) - you deserved it (3283)

On 10/08/2013 at 3:09am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - China (Shanghai)

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

#20919796
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44228) - you deserved it (3275)

On 10/14/2013 at 3:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

#20936891
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41895) - you deserved it (3273)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Asshole hornet - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML

#20903281
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39989) - you deserved it (3240)

On 10/01/2013 at 12:36pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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