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October 2013

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Today, my boss brought her cat to work. At one point, I looked up and everyone was staring at me staring at the cat's asshole. FML

by failure / 10/10/2013 at 10:11am / Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML

by Ggirl / 10/01/2013 at 3:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my 19-year-old, long-distance boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to text me all day because it's too hard to type while in his Spider-Man suit. It's non-negotiable. FML

by AML / 10/31/2013 at 10:30am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my mother came over to my apartment for a surprise visit. It wasn't until after she left that I realized that I left a half empty bottle of adult toy cleaner on the counter in the bathroom. FML

by katt_is_here / 10/06/2013 at 1:51am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend came onto me in a romantic gesture. We ended up having sex, forgetting that the window repair guy was supposed to come today and do some work on our third floor apartment windows. I still don't know how much he saw. FML

by English_Nut117 / 10/30/2013 at 3:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I fell asleep while my boyfriend and I were having sex. What's worse is that he didn't even notice. FML

by Sleepy head / 10/06/2013 at 9:34pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was cuddling my new boyfriend, when he went in to kiss me for the first time. Sadly, I reflexively kneed him in the balls. FML

by / 10/12/2013 at 4:28pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2013 at 2:57pm / Zimbabwe / Health

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

by HSampsON / 10/13/2013 at 5:20pm / Niger (Niamey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend went in for her scheduled mammogram, and I sent her a text saying, "How're your boobies?" It was only after I sent it that I realized I'd sent it to my history professor. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, after almost 2 days, I finally fell asleep, during my husband's vows, on our wedding day, in front of 250 guests. FML

by angryinlaws / 10/12/2013 at 3:23am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

by OutOfMyMind / 10/21/2013 at 8:12pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, my sex-crazed ex wrote me a letter so bad, it haunts me that I let a guy with such terrible grammar skills touch my boobs. FML

by whatdoesitmatter / 10/01/2013 at 6:47am / India (Tamil Nadu) / Intimacy