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July 2013

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Today, I found out that my mom bet my dad $100 that she could pay my boyfriend ten bucks to break up with me. She is now $90 richer. FML

by Forever Alone / 07/03/2013 at 12:26am / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML

by thefuck / 06/30/2013 at 6:08pm / Ireland (Cavan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2013 at 9:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went camping with my family. While I was using the shower house, my sister decided it'd be hilarious to run off with my clothes and towel. I ran back to the camper, completely naked, only for my parents to bitch me out for streaking. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother and I were discussing how we couldn't believe it's been nearly a year since my dad died. Not paying attention, my husband absentmindedly added, "Time flies when you're having fun." FML

by Anonymous / 07/26/2013 at 3:06am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally convinced my mum to take me to a psychologist. As soon as he sat me down and asked me how I was doing, my mum burst into tears and went on a rant about how her life is terrible and she regrets everything. I was asked to sit in the waiting room. She used up my whole hour. FML

by :-( / 07/17/2013 at 1:22am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, my pre-teen brother has started using the entire Axe line because he believes that it will give him an "edge with the ladies". He insists on using the products at least three times a day, including before bedtime. I'm allergic to anything that is perfumed. We share a room. FML

by Anonymous / 07/18/2013 at 5:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 12:16pm / Puerto Rico / Kids

Today, I was in the shower, oblivious to the outside world, when four police officers who had apparently been banging at my door, entered by force. They were doing a bust on a weed farm and got the wrong house. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2013 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at Walmart. A guy in a mobility scooter bumped into me, then told me to "get the fuck out of the way." When I told him to watch his mouth, he got up and shoved me into a shelf. Just a few minutes prior, he'd yelled that he was paralyzed from the waist down. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2013 at 12:53pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned home from an extended vacation only to find out my cousin wasn't kidding when he said he was going to steal my boyfriend. I thought I was dating a straight guy. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2013 at 4:56pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I found out how easy it is for people to get into my flat when I found bailiffs in my kitchen at 9am. They had picked the lock to look for someone who doesn't live at my address, but at least had the courtesy to tell me how to make my home more secure. FML

by LadyFahrenheit / 07/09/2013 at 8:14pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML

by frustrated / 07/11/2013 at 12:52am / United States (Tennessee) / Health