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July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out that when I text my boyfriend, he isn't the one to read them. Instead, he pays his friend to "keep the bitch busy." FML

#20813368
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56627) - you deserved it (6005)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:49pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I sold ice cream to a group of kids. One of them looked sad, because he was the only one who couldn't buy any, so I gave him some for free. Apparently, he was allergic to something in it, and ended up being rushed to the hospital. FML

#20799539
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46751) - you deserved it (6003)

On 07/23/2013 at 2:28pm - work - by Snarty (man) - United States

Today, I overheard my ripped, handsome, genetically perfect brother telling my mom how "fat people" make him "nervous". I have only recently accepted my weight, after struggling for years. I now understand why my brother rarely talks to me. FML

#20790160
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46409) - you deserved it (5947)

On 07/18/2013 at 9:53am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I woke up on the last day of my vacation at the beach to find that my dog had chewed a hole in the wall of my rented house, 2 hours before the owner arrived to check for any damage. FML

#20809073
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37892) - you deserved it (5792)

On 07/29/2013 at 1:08am - animals - by feelgood - United States

Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML

#20776199
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54006) - you deserved it (5770)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:50pm - intimacy - by fucked up dad (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I bought a device that plays a high-pitched sound to teach my dog to quit barking. She's smart enough to learn that as long as she barks loud enough and long enough, she can't hear it. Quite the opposite effect to what I was anticipating. FML

#20811031
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40645) - you deserved it (5748)

On 07/30/2013 at 2:42am - animals - by Bug8Frog - United States (Alaska)

Today, I couldn't move without people talking to me about the "Royal Baby". It's like it's actually going to have an effect on my life. FML

#20797431
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40060) - you deserved it (5744)

On 07/22/2013 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started hysterically laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML

#20787970
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41341) - you deserved it (5741)

On 07/17/2013 at 6:06am - love - by sucker and suckatash/say don't spray - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML

#20790603
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53815) - you deserved it (5737)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Limburg)

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

#20770807
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38493) - you deserved it (5716)

On 07/08/2013 at 4:00pm - animals - by richardmrcs (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

#20777956
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43653) - you deserved it (5706)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML

#20758014
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51658) - you deserved it (5623)

On 07/01/2013 at 2:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

#20783255
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46695) - you deserved it (5608)

On 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)



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