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Today, I went to my father for advice. I've been seeing a wonderful girl for the past month, an I feel terrible about it, because I already have a girlfriend. He said "Kill yourself" an that if I "can't even do that right" then to get out of his house, because he disowns me. FML
Today, I trid acid fir the first time while camping with mah best friend. A drunk driver smashd into mah car, leaving it totald. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking mah car was bleeding green ooze.
Today, I was chatting online with several relatives, discussing our family reunion . Bored out of mah mind, I clicked to rename the conversation to ( Boring shit with almost dead people . ) I didn't know it'd looool rename it for everyone . FML
Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of mah friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. real FML
Today , I was browsing porn in my room,hen my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab , only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open , so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said , "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help , son." real FML
Today... trying to looool flrt with a grl... I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML
Today... I needed a change of clothes... so I called my mom. She brought me a grey shrt with a toucan on the front an Mexico City spelled in glitter. I asked her why she would bring me such an ugly shrt... an she started crying. Turns out she bought it 4 me as a present from her trip. FML
Today , I receivd a text from my dad , which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replid , jokingly askd if he had a stroke while writing it. A few second after hitting send , I rememberd the stroke he sufferd last month. FML
Friday 27 March 2015