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June 2013

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Today, I was packing up my stuff about to go home. I shut off my MacBook but was still pretending to work for the last few minutes, typing on the keyboard. A good way through, I realized my co-worker sitting across from me could see that the Apple logo was off. FML

by awk1 / 06/17/2013 at 8:55pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, I used a public restroom. I saw my sister's shoes walk into the stall next to me, so I gave her a little nudge with my foot. We then nudged each other until I walked out and saw a homeless man with the same shoes as my sister. He then tried to hold my hand. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 12:56am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

by young grandpa / 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, I've come to the conclusion that my phone addiction is getting out of control after I typed my PIN code into the microwave. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 10:57am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

by blahblah / 06/26/2013 at 9:57pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, a bug buzzed into my ear. In response, I punched myself in the face. FML

by sugarysofalof / 06/13/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I fell asleep listening to my music and tanning at the beach. Not only did I wake up with a sunburn, but my iPhone had been stolen. FML

by maggie2014 / 06/23/2013 at 7:48pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 9:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend bought another expensive bong to go with the one he bought last month, along with his new phone, airsoft gun, and various other things he's blown our money on this year. He's bought nothing to prepare for our son, though, who's due next month. FML

by InconsiderateMuch / 06/16/2013 at 2:11pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money

Today, my estranged father, who is a cop, decided to show up to my 17th birthday party. He immediately began arresting people for underage drinking. Way to mend fences, dad. FML

by fuckyouverymuch / 06/13/2013 at 6:16am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 6:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that the girl I've been talking to online and sending certain pictures to is actually my ex's new boyfriend. He ended up telling me he'd just wanted to see how he compared to me down below because my ex refused to go into detail about it. FML

by WTF / 06/01/2013 at 12:03am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I was doing a little victory jig after finally sending out the last of the invitation cards for my wedding when I realised that I had forgotten to put the date of the event on them. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2013 at 8:13am / United Kingdom / Transportation