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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds have made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML

#20663096
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33119) - you deserved it (2851)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:11pm - animals - by Locked Out - United States

Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML

#20696326
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43625) - you deserved it (2851)

On 05/30/2013 at 10:35pm - work - by heyyoitsapotato - United States

Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML

#20690777
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52073) - you deserved it (2848)

On 05/28/2013 at 4:09am - love - by really? (woman) - United States (California)

Today I returned home after a semester at university. I guess I did too good a job of getting into shape as my parents phoned the police, thinking I was a burglar. FML

#20679356
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35144) - you deserved it (2848)

On 05/22/2013 at 5:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML

#20697100
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35780) - you deserved it (2844)

On 05/31/2013 at 9:54am - misc - by cantwin (man) - Belgium (West-Vlaanderen)

Today, my mom came back from a major surgery. She also had a yeast infection. I had to push the applicator in because she couldn't bend down. This cannot be unfelt. FML

#20641584
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47171) - you deserved it (2841)

On 05/04/2013 at 7:26pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was feeling down about being stuck in bed after ankle surgery. I thought I would go ahead and call my boss and let him know everything went well. He said the obligatory nice things, then told me that if I'm not at work on Monday, I'll be fired. I can't even get out of bed. FML

#20638400
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42114) - you deserved it (2836)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:35am - work - by clutzasaurus (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, some jackass in an Iron Man mask nailed me in the head with a quarter while I was helping other customers. Minimum wage isn't worth this crap. FML

#20696570
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35824) - you deserved it (2835)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:05am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

#20668913
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43826) - you deserved it (2824)

On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

#20687932
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45944) - you deserved it (2813)

On 05/26/2013 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by MsAnonymous17 (woman) - United States

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML

#20668592
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44480) - you deserved it (2808)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:25am - misc - by Jololol - United States

Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting about how I stole her man. I don't even know her man, or her, and I live over a thousand miles away in Scotland. I'm back in town for the first time since my childhood to attend a wedding. FML

#20661106
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45167) - you deserved it (2798)

On 05/13/2013 at 4:36pm - misc - by culodegrillo (woman) - Spain

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for cheating on her. Her "proof" was an image of me making out with a girl. Pretty damning, except she loaded it up in Photoshop, where I saw the image layers she'd used to fake the whole thing. I'm not sure what the hell she was thinking either. FML

#20637622
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48557) - you deserved it (2787)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:16pm - love - by psycho ex (man) - Brazil



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