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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

#20692661
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67376) - you deserved it (14925)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my boyfriend and I stressed out preparing for our one week holiday. We packed for the whole day, said goodbye to everyone and arrived at the airport quite exhausted after a 45-minute train ride. Turns out our flight isn't until tomorrow. The check-in lady couldn't stop laughing. FML

#20640490
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39564) - you deserved it (14839)

On 05/04/2013 at 6:24am - misc - by Tickettoride (woman) - Austria (Wien)

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

#20649461
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40994) - you deserved it (14783)

On 05/08/2013 at 7:05am - misc - by Sebastian20 (man) - Netherlands (Groningen)

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

#20640404
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66171) - you deserved it (14597)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. I slipped a ruler into it and started scratching to relieve the itch. Part of the ruler ended up snapping off inside. FML

#20669324
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42013) - you deserved it (14409)

On 05/17/2013 at 4:49pm - health - by sprainedankle - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, I was working at a place where if you're tipped, you sing. After a lady paid for her ice cream, she pulled out 5 dollars. Thinking it was a tip, I took it, and sang the song. She didn't mean to tip me. I was stopped by the woman slapping me. FML

#20690062
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43370) - you deserved it (13992)

On 05/27/2013 at 8:56pm - work - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

#20669389
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51673) - you deserved it (13947)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:16pm - health - by -1 friend (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML

#20636797
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47389) - you deserved it (13926)

On 05/02/2013 at 11:59am - intimacy - by MommaAnnie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML

#20696601
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63709) - you deserved it (13907)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML

#20652571
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38730) - you deserved it (13775)

On 05/09/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by drug testing - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure ahead of my cousin's wedding. The woman doing my nails asked if I wanted my toe hairs trimmed. I was so taken aback and embarrassed that I said yes. They charged me extra. FML

#20679773
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37787) - you deserved it (13246)

On 05/22/2013 at 1:40pm - misc - by hobbit - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML

#20658454
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36614) - you deserved it (13196)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by walmart: first time, last time (man) - United States

Today, I told my family I'm going shopping with my friend "Emma". My sister's been teasing me about this saying, "Emma can't exist! She's not real! You don't have any friends." She's right. FML

#20650839
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43004) - you deserved it (12941)

On 05/08/2013 at 9:22pm - misc - by 19kwhatever (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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