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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, for the fourth time this week, I witnessed my mother dancing around the house naked. Apparently, she is loosening up her "inner nudist" and isn't planning on stopping any time soon. FML

#20679387
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37033) - you deserved it (2992)

On 05/22/2013 at 6:56am - misc - by stillhave2years - United States

Today, a client refused to pay after I mowed her lawn. Her reasoning? I had entered her basement "without permission." I require on-site equipment be provided, and she kept her mower in her basement. I only knew it was in the basement because she'd showed me, and told me where the key was. FML

#20653784
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48015) - you deserved it (2985)

On 05/10/2013 at 4:24am - work - by Wealthyparrot (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I cancelled our date tonight. I cancelled because I had a seizure and was taken to the hospital. FML

#20654794
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52808) - you deserved it (2968)

On 05/10/2013 at 6:58pm - health - by Chia (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML

#20665470
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43712) - you deserved it (2965)

On 05/15/2013 at 5:47pm - work - by Seriously? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to visit my sister, who lives four hours away from me. I'd only just sat down on their couch when her husband told me I needed to leave so they could have sex. FML

#20666985
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40547) - you deserved it (2957)

On 05/16/2013 at 12:16pm - misc - by earplugsplease (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

#20661009
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40724) - you deserved it (2905)

On 05/13/2013 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML

#20675025
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43392) - you deserved it (2894)

On 05/20/2013 at 7:57am - kids - by AuntPeePee - United States

Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML

#20679212
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34316) - you deserved it (2889)

On 05/22/2013 at 1:38am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was leaving my doctor's appointment when a nurse stopped me. She exclaimed, "Wow you are so skinny! What's your secret?" My secret? Having an autoimmune disease. FML

Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML

#20675279
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38162) - you deserved it (2874)

On 05/20/2013 at 11:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my math teacher raged at a student for eating an apple in class. As he yelled at the student, he slapped the apple out of his hand and right into my face. Everyone laughed, including the teacher. FML

#20693212
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45842) - you deserved it (2871)

On 05/29/2013 at 2:29pm - misc - by WTFruits - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML

#20692945
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41943) - you deserved it (2868)

On 05/29/2013 at 11:21am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML

#20681811
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39311) - you deserved it (2866)

On 05/23/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Buzau)



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