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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dog had her stomach pumped because she ate some cookies. The 100 cookies I made for a bake sale to be exact. FML

#20636616
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42720) - you deserved it (6570)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English. As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions. I now know everything about my mom's sex life. FML

#20678467
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63120) - you deserved it (6567)

On 05/21/2013 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by knowtoomuch - United States (Colorado)

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

#20636451
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48110) - you deserved it (6538)

On 05/02/2013 at 4:27am - misc - by inyobeddd (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a new cat. It was fine for a couple of hours until it gave birth in my kitchen. The seller claims to have no idea that it was pregnant. Now I have to take care of 7 cats instead of 2. FML

#20676137
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41229) - you deserved it (6515)

On 05/20/2013 at 7:23pm - animals - by catcraze - United States (Colorado)

Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML

#20668963
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64453) - you deserved it (6465)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Varmlands Lan)

Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML

#20644913
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48935) - you deserved it (6426)

On 05/06/2013 at 4:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

#20644821
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69217) - you deserved it (6387)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

#20644845
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66825) - you deserved it (6278)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:49am - love - by walkingdead_1029 - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that my cell phone bill was much higher than normal. After investigating, I realized that a text conversation I had with my stalker, telling him multiple times not to contact me anymore, was to an international cell phone. I have to pay to be stalked. FML

#20666438
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48682) - you deserved it (6263)

On 05/16/2013 at 12:31am - money - by astalkerindeed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML

#20654425
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61501) - you deserved it (6261)

On 05/10/2013 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left breast a cup size. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "Hey look! I can finally see one of them." FML

#20667435
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63673) - you deserved it (6249)

On 05/16/2013 at 5:36pm - intimacy - by Urgghh (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

#20673360
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46899) - you deserved it (6228)

On 05/19/2013 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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