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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

#20660573
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40755) - you deserved it (7026)

On 05/13/2013 at 10:16am - money - by psychopumpkin - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, in preparation for a third interview for my dream job, I spent an hour selecting the perfect outfit. I hung everything on my bedroom door and went to shower. My dog decided to play tug-of-war with the clothing and redesign the shoes. The only thing to survive unscathed was the hanger. FML

#20681337
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39874) - you deserved it (7022)

On 05/23/2013 at 6:52am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

#20653026
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55760) - you deserved it (7021)

On 05/09/2013 at 9:41pm - kids - by brokedad - United States

Today, I was making tea when I smelled something burning. My very fluffy cat had put his tail right next to the open flame and burnt his fur. Now I have a semi-hairless cat and a very smelly apartment. FML

#20647478
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42375) - you deserved it (7004)

On 05/07/2013 at 10:18am - animals - by AussieG75 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my water broke while my boyfriend was breaking up with me. FML

#20649270
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76856) - you deserved it (6880)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:41am - health - by Carrie - United States (California)

Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML

#20646861
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60045) - you deserved it (6832)

On 05/06/2013 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was getting out of my car, when my new neighbor asked if I'd help him unhitch a trailer. On my way over, he said, "Oh never mind, I thought you were a boy." I am a boy. FML

#20677893
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48270) - you deserved it (6805)

On 05/21/2013 at 3:05pm - misc - by Time for a haircut (man) - United States

Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML

#20663640
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40654) - you deserved it (6701)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:52pm - misc - by Brenden - United States (Ohio)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML

#20643910
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50016) - you deserved it (6647)

On 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm - kids - by me - United States (Texas)

Today, while on my way to an important interview, I was stopped and ticketed for speeding. The ticket made me 20 minutes late, but when I showed up, I was told they forgot to call and let me know that the woman I was supposed to meet with called in sick this morning. FML

Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her because for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML

#20684326
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42892) - you deserved it (6600)

On 05/24/2013 at 7:42pm - love - by yesguysgetabusedtoo (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I walked in on my sister masturbating with my curling iron. FML

#20667250
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77205) - you deserved it (6509)

On 05/16/2013 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by need € for new iron (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my dog had her stomach pumped because she ate some cookies. The 100 cookies I made for a bake sale to be exact. FML

#20636616
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41895) - you deserved it (6474)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)



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