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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend "finally figured out" that he couldn't possibly be the father of my child, and publicly broke up with me. When I reminded him that I was already pregnant when we first met, he "extra" broke up with me for making him look stupid. FML

#20696470
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47169) - you deserved it (6981)

On 05/30/2013 at 11:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

#20653026
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55047) - you deserved it (6931)

On 05/09/2013 at 9:41pm - kids - by brokedad - United States

Today, my water broke while my boyfriend was breaking up with me. FML

#20649270
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76830) - you deserved it (6875)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:41am - health - by Carrie - United States (California)

Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML

#20646861
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59514) - you deserved it (6788)

On 05/06/2013 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, as a condominium security guard, I had to enter an old lady's apartment to supervise the mandatory maintenance taking place inside. I commented on the lakeside view from her window and mentioned, "This is a pretty nice view up here isn't it?" It turns out that she's blind. FML

#20642213
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49718) - you deserved it (6749)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:28am - work - by rent-a-cop (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, in preparation for a third interview for my dream job, I spent an hour selecting the perfect outfit. I hung everything on my bedroom door and went to shower. My dog decided to play tug-of-war with the clothing and redesign the shoes. The only thing to survive unscathed was the hanger. FML

#20681337
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37719) - you deserved it (6726)

On 05/23/2013 at 6:52am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML

#20663640
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40433) - you deserved it (6678)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:52pm - misc - by Brenden - United States (Ohio)

Today, while on my way to an important interview, I was stopped and ticketed for speeding. The ticket made me 20 minutes late, but when I showed up, I was told they forgot to call and let me know that the woman I was supposed to meet with called in sick this morning. FML

Today, I was getting out of my car, when my new neighbor asked if I'd help him unhitch a trailer. On my way over, he said, "Oh never mind, I thought you were a boy." I am a boy. FML

#20677893
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45898) - you deserved it (6551)

On 05/21/2013 at 3:05pm - misc - by Time for a haircut (man) - United States

Today, I walked in on my sister masturbating with my curling iron. FML

#20667250
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76926) - you deserved it (6485)

On 05/16/2013 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by need € for new iron (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my dog had her stomach pumped because she ate some cookies. The 100 cookies I made for a bake sale to be exact. FML

#20636616
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41874) - you deserved it (6472)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML

#20643910
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47805) - you deserved it (6364)

On 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm - kids - by me - United States (Texas)

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

#20636451
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46435) - you deserved it (6362)

On 05/02/2013 at 4:27am - misc - by inyobeddd (man) - United States (California)



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