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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

#20653026
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54886) - you deserved it (6915)

On 05/09/2013 at 9:41pm - kids - by brokedad - United States

Today, as a condominium security guard, I had to enter an old lady's apartment to supervise the mandatory maintenance taking place inside. I commented on the lakeside view from her window and mentioned, "This is a pretty nice view up here isn't it?" It turns out that she's blind. FML

#20642213
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49622) - you deserved it (6746)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:28am - work - by rent-a-cop (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, in preparation for a third interview for my dream job, I spent an hour selecting the perfect outfit. I hung everything on my bedroom door and went to shower. My dog decided to play tug-of-war with the clothing and redesign the shoes. The only thing to survive unscathed was the hanger. FML

#20681337
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37642) - you deserved it (6714)

On 05/23/2013 at 6:52am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML

#20646861
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58535) - you deserved it (6702)

On 05/06/2013 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

#20660573
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38218) - you deserved it (6688)

On 05/13/2013 at 10:16am - money - by psychopumpkin - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, while on my way to an important interview, I was stopped and ticketed for speeding. The ticket made me 20 minutes late, but when I showed up, I was told they forgot to call and let me know that the woman I was supposed to meet with called in sick this morning. FML

Today, my water broke while my boyfriend was breaking up with me. FML

#20649270
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73704) - you deserved it (6560)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:41am - health - by Carrie - United States (California)

Today, I was getting out of my car, when my new neighbor asked if I'd help him unhitch a trailer. On my way over, he said, "Oh never mind, I thought you were a boy." I am a boy. FML

#20677893
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45842) - you deserved it (6544)

On 05/21/2013 at 3:05pm - misc - by Time for a haircut (man) - United States

Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML

#20663640
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39259) - you deserved it (6537)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:52pm - misc - by Brenden - United States (Ohio)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML

#20643910
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47719) - you deserved it (6353)

On 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm - kids - by me - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her because for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML

#20684326
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41004) - you deserved it (6339)

On 05/24/2013 at 7:42pm - love - by yesguysgetabusedtoo (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English. As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions. I now know everything about my mom's sex life. FML

#20678467
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60235) - you deserved it (6306)

On 05/21/2013 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by knowtoomuch - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML

#20644913
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47051) - you deserved it (6260)

On 05/06/2013 at 4:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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