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September 2016

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Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of a bra he claimed I left at his house. I know every single bra I own, and it wasn't one of them, or so I thought. Only after I broke up with him did I remember I lost that bra two months ago. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2016 at 11:31am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I arrived at my internship at 7 am after three hours of sleep with a massive hangover. When I got there, my boss told me he had made a mistake and I was meant to come in next week. He then said, "Well, now that you're here, you might as well get some work done. Come in next week as well." FML

by idontevengetpaid / 09/05/2016 at 12:35am / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Work

Today, I left my wallet on the train again. You'd think I'd be extra careful after losing it once. That's 3 times this year. FML

by JordLostItagain3 / 09/21/2016 at 3:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML

by knife knife / 09/19/2016 at 8:38pm / United Kingdom (Midlothian) / Miscellaneous

Today, I missed out on my first cooking lesson because I was an hour late. I cannot go to the rest of them because if you don't attend the first class then you are not allowed to attend the rest. I just spent $70 on a cooking course that I won't be able to attend. FML

by That Person / 09/13/2016 at 8:11pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to jokingly hold the door shut so my friend, who I'd seen walking down the hall to our class, couldn't get in. It was funny, until my new teacher yelled "Open the damn door!" from the other side. FML

by anonymous / 09/20/2016 at 6:49pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gained the courage to talk to the guy I have a crush on. In a dying part of the conversation, I panicked and ended up asking him if he was gay. He replied no and seemed offended, so I quickly added, "You just seem a little gay sometimes, in a good way." He took more offense and left. FML

by anon / 09/05/2016 at 4:17am / New Zealand (Waikato) / Love

Today, my girlfriend contacted me. She said she'd thought over her feelings over our temporary break in the relationship, and she wanted to try again. Being my stupid, self-loathing self, I asked her so many questions on if she was sure or not that she went back into doubt and revoked the offer. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2016 at 6:05am / Love

Today, it was the first day of school, and I split my pants. In a full class. While on a stage. I'm the teacher, and I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

by full moon / 09/07/2016 at 10:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I went downstairs completely naked to get water, completely forgetting that my daughter had a sleepover and they were in the living room. The ice dispenser woke some of them up, including my daughter. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2016 at 7:22am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML

by Loud / 09/08/2016 at 2:07am / Australia / Work

Today, I went to work early and saw my crush's car in the parking lot, so I parked next to her. After that, I looked over at her car to see her staring at me with a weird look and her saying, "Really?" Then she gestured around the lot; I looked around to find it completely empty. FML

by Asshole Parker / 09/06/2016 at 7:01am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was performing for a fairly large crowd with my band. I decided it would look cool to stand on one of the speakers and sing from there. It did look pretty cool for a bit until I tried to step off and fell face-first on the floor mid-song. FML

by MarsMayFall / 09/12/2016 at 5:56am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous