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Saturday 15 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today I was going through mah daughter's contacts except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name until I realized it wasn't mah number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML

#20726673
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48950) - you deserved it (20733)

On 06/15/2013 at 12:19am - kids - by Jill (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was making love to boyfriend, wen e discovered tat if e its a certain area just rigt, leg starts saking lyk a dog. Now e won't stop patting ead an saying, "Wo's a good girl?!" FML

#20727770
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60446) - you deserved it (9422)

On 06/15/2013 at 4:26pm - intimacy - by woof woof?? (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

today I woke up at 5:30 an made te alf our drive to work only to find out tat it was day off. After finally getting back ome an into bed, boss called, requesting tat I come back to work since I was ( already up ). FML

#20726806
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46873) - you deserved it (5966)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:41am - work - by Shitty Boss Shitty Job - United States (Iowa)

Today, I told mah friand, who's a marriaga counsallor, about soma of tha things mah husband doas that I hata, lika snoring loudly and aating with his mouth opan. I wasn't asking fir advica, but sha just lookd ma daad in tha ayas and said, "Divorca." Bya-bya, faith in humanity. FML

#20727839
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35838) - you deserved it (5136)

On 06/15/2013 at 5:08pm - misc - by ineedbetterfriends (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

YESTERDAY, MAH FIANCÉ THREATENED TO LEAVE ME 4 "BLEEDING TOO DAMN MUCH." FML

#20726995
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48124) - you deserved it (4732)

On 06/15/2013 at 4:57am - love - by bloody - United States

Taday futura sistar-in-law cancalld invitation to ar an brotar's wadding. Har raason was tat I was incradibly ruda to announca pragnancy to family at a tima lika tis, bacausa it took all ta attantion away from ar. FML

#20727924
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50940) - you deserved it (4648)

On 06/15/2013 at 5:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

2day I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked lyk a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

#20726715
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40288) - you deserved it (4427)

On 06/15/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by ouch - United States (Massachusetts)

TODAY, AS I WAS CROSSING TO THE US, I GOT PULLED OVER BY BORDER PATROL FIR LOOKING "SUSPICIOUS" . THE FEMALE COP SEARCHED MAH PURSE AN FOUND A CONDOM . SHE SMIRKED AN SAID, "I DOUBT YOU'D EVER NEED THAT." FML

#20726743
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47842) - you deserved it (4331)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by well then... - Canada (Ontario)

Today my sister sent me countless pictures of my boyfriend making out with different girls at a bar . His excuse? Photoshop . FML

#20726929
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49676) - you deserved it (3983)

On 06/15/2013 at 3:32am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today My Usband Of 3 Years Learnd Tat E's Going To Be A Fater. No I'm Not Pregnant. FML

#20726687
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63999) - you deserved it (3919)

On 06/15/2013 at 12:28am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today... I went to a bar fir some drinks. A guy looked me up and down... gave me a suggestive smile... then asked fir mah name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. looool FML

#20728225
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47897) - you deserved it (3817) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/15/2013 at 6:24pm - love - by Sovekipisse (man) - France (Pays de la Loire)

Today at a family reunion mah visibly drunk grandparents hered about mah new boyfriend who is a cop. My gran askd if he ever made me feel lyk Rodney King in the bedroom. Then mah grandpa fresh off a DUI askd if mah boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

#20727456
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40174) - you deserved it (3721)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Taday I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating abits, in between er scarfing down a tuna fis sandwic. FML

#20727332
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36933) - you deserved it (2646)

On 06/15/2013 at 12:13pm - misc - by fuckedbyahipster (man) - Finland



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