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Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom . The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall . The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there . I stayed quiet . He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom . FML
Today , I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl an ask her about it. The girl denied it an said she looool didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me , called me a liar an punched me in the face. FML
TODAY..!! I WENT TO HAVE A BREAST EXAM!! THE DOC TOLD ME THAT SHE WOULD TOUCH DIFFERENT PARTS OF BREASTS..!! AND SAID TO TELL HER IF AT ANY POINT IT FELT PAINFUL!! AS SHE WAS EXAMINING ME..!! I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT IT WASN'T PAINFUL..!! BUT INSTEAD I BLURTED OUT..!! ( IT FEELS GOOD!! ) FML
Today I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML
TODAY, I MET ONE OF MA FAVORITE WEB-COMIC ARTISTS. AS I PURCASED A SRT FROM TERE BOOT E ASKED, "WAT SIZE?" I STUPIDLY ASKED "HOW BIG IS A SMALL?" HE CUCKLED, "IT'S SMALL" AND CUCKLED SOME MORE. SO MUC FOR KEEPING IT COOL. FML
TODAY, I WANTED REVENGE ON MY COLLEGE'S DRINKS MACHINE. FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS, IT FORGOT TO RELEASE A CUP BEFORE POURING MY COFFEE. THIS TIME, I HAD PLANNED AHEAD; I PUTTED MY MONEY IN, ENTERED THE CODE, AND QUICKLY INSERTED MY OWN CUP. IT GAVE ME HOT WATER.
Today , a family of geese nested outside my halls of residence. They have started attacking everyone who tries to get in or out of the building. I'm basically bieng placed under house arrest by birds. FML
Today, my fiancéa broka off our angagamant. For soma bizarra raason, sa'd iddan a pair of axpansiva boots and ar iPad undarnaat our rida-on mowar. I turnd ta mowar on and dastroyd bot witout raalizing it. According to ar, ta fault is all mina. FML
Today, my parent finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015