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Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

#21379871
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (718) - you deserved it (3390)

On 03/23/2015 at 12:42am - animals - by birdsterrifyme - United States (Missouri)

Today, I discovered my elderly neighbour likes to roam around his yard naked and wash his balls with the sprinkler. I'm never going to grab a snack in my kitchen again. FML

#21349488
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30007) - you deserved it (2435)

On 02/04/2015 at 2:44am - misc - by Sprinkles (man) - Australia

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

#21351917
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30921) - you deserved it (3070)

On 02/08/2015 at 3:35am - animals - by OnlyAvailableID - Australia

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

#21383831
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35040) - you deserved it (2282)

On 03/29/2015 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by sexisntfun (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I googled for an hour how to open my CD player on my laptop. Turns out, there is none. They just put a space there to make it look like a CD player. FML

#21372194
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27988) - you deserved it (5879)

On 03/10/2015 at 11:03pm - misc - by Blonde - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML

#21358080
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30457) - you deserved it (9072)

On 02/17/2015 at 3:02pm - kids - by Clive81 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about times we'd made our mothers cry. She said she'd only made her mother cry once. When I asked when, she said, "When I told her I was thinking about dating you." FML

#21364495
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31950) - you deserved it (3007)

On 02/27/2015 at 9:13am - love - by shoggoth_wild - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my sister and I went to visit my grandma. She looked at my sister and said, "You are just so skinny! You need to eat more cookies!" She then turned to me and said, "You should lay off the cookies!" FML

Today, my boyfriend decided to show off one of his favorite skills: Peeing on my ceiling. FML

#21378092
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27719) - you deserved it (3184)

On 03/19/2015 at 11:22pm - love - by TooShortToCleanThat - United States

Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML

#21374998
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37833) - you deserved it (1815)

On 03/15/2015 at 12:11pm - kids - by pledonasm (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, at 2:00 am, my neighbor discovered "What Does The Fox Say?" He loves it. FML

#21376518
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27829) - you deserved it (2048)

On 03/17/2015 at 5:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was closing up at my sandwich-making job when a huge bus full of basic, snobby, preppy cheerleaders came in. They literally "can't even" decide what they want. FML



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