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Today, I found my 6 year old daughter upstairs lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving "the carpet a haircut." FML

#21221737
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35272) - you deserved it (4594)

On 07/27/2014 at 1:51am - kids - by ... (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

#21225778
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40277) - you deserved it (7217)

On 07/31/2014 at 12:24pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had a seizure while at the airport, ready to go on vacation with my family. We ended up missing our flight. My mom spent most of the ride home making cracks about how I'm always ruining things with my "dramatics". Sorry that I have epilepsy, mom. FML

#21232741
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47903) - you deserved it (2882)

On 08/08/2014 at 7:25pm - health - by Anonymous - Sweden (Vasternorrlands Lan)

Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML

#21271461
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43317) - you deserved it (2521)

On 10/05/2014 at 7:30pm - animals - by FML - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while I was proposing. FML

#21223358
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53580) - you deserved it (7353)

On 07/28/2014 at 6:09pm - love - by rejected - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend sent me pictures of him and his family on their trip in Florida. He accidentally included a picture of a girl sleeping in his bed, naked. FML

#21242918
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51169) - you deserved it (3687)

On 08/22/2014 at 2:02am - love - by lolatmylife - United States

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

#21282480
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21826) - you deserved it (28039)

On 10/21/2014 at 3:46pm - misc - by GetMeTheDamnBleach (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

#21280942
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36428) - you deserved it (4783)

On 10/19/2014 at 7:22am - kids - by how about never? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife got a new best-friend. It's my ex-wife. FML

#21283962
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37341) - you deserved it (3623)

On 10/23/2014 at 7:30pm - love - by max - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that even though a woman has a baby carriage and seems friendly, she won't be afraid to mug you in front of her kid. FML

#21262985
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35019) - you deserved it (2882)

On 09/22/2014 at 6:58am - health - by deathstar3548 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while taking out the trash, I swung the bag back and forth, which caused it to slide across my leg. An opened aluminum can inside the bag ended up slicing through my calf, causing heavy bleeding. Baked beans sent me to the hospital. FML

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, we were cuddling when he grabbed his penis and made it say, "That was amazing! Thank you for the sex." He's 21 years old. FML

#21330918
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27817) - you deserved it (6116)

On 01/04/2015 at 9:50pm - love - by myboyfriendisweird - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML

#21290313
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35546) - you deserved it (3150)

On 11/02/2014 at 6:28am - health - by smellyhair - United Kingdom



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