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Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

#21351917
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30884) - you deserved it (3063)

On 02/08/2015 at 3:35am - animals - by OnlyAvailableID - Australia

Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML

#21357430
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30798) - you deserved it (12041)

On 02/16/2015 at 3:43pm - misc - by cactii - United States

Today, my girlfriend confessed to cheating on me. Unfortunately, she's a pathological liar and I can't be sure if it's really true, along with half the stuff she tells me on a daily basis. Love is hard. FML

#21356609
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28951) - you deserved it (9665)

On 02/15/2015 at 11:02am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I googled for an hour how to open my CD player on my laptop. Turns out, there is none. They just put a space there to make it look like a CD player. FML

#21372194
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27354) - you deserved it (5579)

On 03/10/2015 at 11:03pm - misc - by Blonde - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML

#21358080
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30398) - you deserved it (9061)

On 02/17/2015 at 3:02pm - kids - by Clive81 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML

#21361729
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31145) - you deserved it (5186)

On 02/23/2015 at 12:56pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about times we'd made our mothers cry. She said she'd only made her mother cry once. When I asked when, she said, "When I told her I was thinking about dating you." FML

#21364495
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31875) - you deserved it (3007)

On 02/27/2015 at 9:13am - love - by shoggoth_wild - United States (Mississippi)

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

#21362166
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35767) - you deserved it (2794)

On 02/23/2015 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by sammy18f (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML

#21374998
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37184) - you deserved it (1808)

On 03/15/2015 at 12:11pm - kids - by pledonasm (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, as I was closing up at my sandwich-making job when a huge bus full of basic, snobby, preppy cheerleaders came in. They literally "can't even" decide what they want. FML

Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said "I know." FML

#21341633
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31327) - you deserved it (9756)

On 01/21/2015 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by cuckolddreams - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I overcame my lack of social confidence and got a date for the first time in 10 or so years. After a while, my date admitted that she's a schizophrenic with dissociative identity disorder. I guess it's back to being single. FML

#21371640
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26625) - you deserved it (6202)

On 03/10/2015 at 2:02am - love - by CrazyInLove - United States (Colorado)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

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  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

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