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Today, I fell asleep with my luggage at a bus terminal. Upon waking up, I found that someone had opened my bags and stolen all my socks. FML

#21255144
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37366) - you deserved it (7278)

On 09/09/2014 at 4:23pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my roommate decided that because she has an oral report due, she's going to scream at the top of her lungs until she loses her voice to get out of it. It's been two hours and she refuses to stop. FML

#21252777
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39137) - you deserved it (2579)

On 09/06/2014 at 12:25am - misc - by why me? - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML

#21252521
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41365) - you deserved it (3700)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:11pm - love - by apparentlybutch (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that "pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML

#21349360
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32349) - you deserved it (2357)

On 02/03/2015 at 10:39pm - misc - by FrustratedTutor - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was sitting at my computer, petting one of my cats, who was sitting on my lap. My other cat got jealous and tried to climb onto my lap as well. They ended up fighting. I was wearing shorts. FML

#21333736
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29451) - you deserved it (4069)

On 01/09/2015 at 1:44am - animals - by Crazy Cat Guy (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was report card day at swimming lessons. Because it was the last day, a little girl brought me flowers. She was the only kid in that class who didn't pass. FML

#21251459
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40031) - you deserved it (3412)

On 09/03/2014 at 9:31pm - work - by anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I beat my boyfriend in a video game. He promptly dumped me and told me to leave. FML

#21319982
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34766) - you deserved it (4325)

On 12/18/2014 at 9:39pm - love - by I warned him - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML

#21341448
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33470) - you deserved it (2669)

On 01/21/2015 at 3:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I babysat a 10 year old from hell. She kept insulting me, saying I have tiny boobs, that boys must hate me, and that I'm ugly. I eventually got fed up and put her to bed. When her parents came back, she ran out of her room in tears and told them I'd beaten her. They believed it. FML

#21258738
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39362) - you deserved it (2285)

On 09/15/2014 at 11:51am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44439) - you deserved it (3578)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my wife was giving me a blowjob when I foolishly asked her how she got so good at giving them. She looked straight into my eyes and replied, "Practising on about six guys before you." FML

#21308641
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31317) - you deserved it (18308)

On 11/30/2014 at 8:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

#21282367
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34814) - you deserved it (7267)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at a party, and someone called the cops on us. I dove into a bush that turned out to have thorns. I got multiple cuts and a sprained wrist, and got arrested anyway. Its kind of hard to hide from the police when you're screaming in agony. FML

#21213929
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38461) - you deserved it (24436)

On 07/19/2014 at 7:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)



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