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Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML

#21320716
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31900) - you deserved it (4162)

On 12/20/2014 at 2:33am - love - by qyx3lmnop24 - United States (California)

Today, I bought a small tub of coconut pieces in a bid to eat healthier snacks at work. I noticed that the chunks were a bit slimy, but thought nothing of it and kept eating. It wasn't until I reached the final few pieces that I noticed a huge black slug crawling across the bottom of the tub. FML

#21346678
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29788) - you deserved it (4871)

On 01/30/2015 at 6:00am - misc - by goodbyediet (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I was informed by a laughing friend, that my phone must be taking and uploading photos to Google+. Among numerous black shots, there is a particularly nice one of me while I'm sitting on the toilet. FML

#21208679
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36560) - you deserved it (5604)

On 07/14/2014 at 5:31am - misc - by photoman (man) - Austria (Wien)

Today, I lost my laptop, but I have my old childhood computer to use. It's password-protected, and the hint to the password is "meaner than Hera." I haven't been into Greek mythology since I was a kid, and if anything, this computer has just shown me how dumb I've gotten over the years. FML

#21282844
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30540) - you deserved it (5775)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by HeckIfIKnow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

#21272255
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35617) - you deserved it (3682)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to get my hair cut. My stylist had the greatest tattoo of a rat on her arm. I spent the whole appointment thinking about how cool the tattoo was, and what an interesting person she must be to choose such a thing. So I complimented her on it and she said, "Oh it's a wolf." FML

#21239690
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37777) - you deserved it (6342)

On 08/17/2014 at 11:19am - misc - by Etrius (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

#21282367
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34801) - you deserved it (7267)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML

#21378402
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32002) - you deserved it (2157)

On 03/20/2015 at 1:50pm - love - by not picking up (man) - Slovenia (Skofljica)

Today, I fell asleep with my luggage at a bus terminal. Upon waking up, I found that someone had opened my bags and stolen all my socks. FML

#21255144
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37347) - you deserved it (7274)

On 09/09/2014 at 4:23pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I was at a football game with my boyfriend. I said my hands were getting cold, hoping he'd hold them. He replied, "Uh, they make pockets for a reason..." and physically showed me how to put my hands in my pockets. FML

#21280399
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33336) - you deserved it (6569)

On 10/18/2014 at 10:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my roommate decided that because she has an oral report due, she's going to scream at the top of her lungs until she loses her voice to get out of it. It's been two hours and she refuses to stop. FML

#21252777
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39123) - you deserved it (2577)

On 09/06/2014 at 12:25am - misc - by why me? - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML

#21252521
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41346) - you deserved it (3699)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:11pm - love - by apparentlybutch (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, it was report card day at swimming lessons. Because it was the last day, a little girl brought me flowers. She was the only kid in that class who didn't pass. FML

#21251459
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39999) - you deserved it (3411)

On 09/03/2014 at 9:31pm - work - by anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)



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