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Today, I'm a 34 year old male who just got given the sex talk on my Facebook timeline by my senile mother. 5ML

#21038727
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48336) - you deserved it (5351)

On 01/24/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my car was keyed, while I was still sitting in it. FML

Today, after finals, my English professor left me less than one percent from an A. Why? All semester long, he took away points because my opinions did not match his. FML

Today, I saw a guy in the street drawing caricatures, and I decided to pay him to do one of me. Being a caricature, I looked pretty monstrous in it. When I showed it to my mum later, she shuddered and said, "Yeah, looks just like you." FML

#20998272
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33533) - you deserved it (3880)

On 12/19/2013 at 5:13pm - misc - by ;_; (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, rather than buying one pork chop big enough for myself, I bought two smaller chops just so the cashier wouldn't think I was eating by myself. FML

#20996744
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37496) - you deserved it (8164)

On 12/18/2013 at 4:30am - love - by LonelyPorkChop - Australia (Queensland)

Today, it's my birthday. The only "happy birthday"s I got were from my mom, her Facebook account, and the Facebook account she made for her cat. FML

#20991213
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41715) - you deserved it (3108)

On 12/13/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by carboncoach (man) - Egypt

Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off". She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language". FML

#20991205
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40846) - you deserved it (2803)

On 12/13/2013 at 12:09pm - misc - by religiunatic (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my grandma came over for the holidays. She tried explaining how Santa is actually Christ reincarnated, giving presents to all the good little Christian boys and girls. She'll be staying all week. FML

#20995564
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37382) - you deserved it (4856)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:16am - misc - by not-religious (woman) - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I feel. She instantly burst out laughing and said "A crush? Dude, what are you, 12?! Hahaha!" FML

#20993484
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44202) - you deserved it (5891)

On 12/15/2013 at 2:16pm - love - by um...no? i don't think so anyway (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after being married for 20 years, I found out that my wife has accounts on multiple dating sites, "just in case." FML

#21007851
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41703) - you deserved it (3343)

On 12/28/2013 at 12:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I discovered my mom has been using my credit card to buy everyone's Christmas presents. FML

#20995385
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44783) - you deserved it (3367)

On 12/17/2013 at 12:02am - money - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I found out that my mom isn't coming to see me for Christmas. Instead she'll be spending it in jail for a DUI and battery. Thank you to my cocklick of an aunt for taking a recovering alcoholic to a bar and pressuring her into relapse. FML

#21003791
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45831) - you deserved it (2993)

On 12/24/2013 at 3:48pm - misc - by jhulich (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was looking for a job. I was so desperate for gas money to drive around town that I had to steal $20 from my sister. She's only 10 years old. FML

#20997840
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37224) - you deserved it (20758)

On 12/19/2013 at 8:12am - money - by tp2014 - United States (Georgia)



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