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Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

#21282367
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34792) - you deserved it (7267)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at a party, and someone called the cops on us. I dove into a bush that turned out to have thorns. I got multiple cuts and a sprained wrist, and got arrested anyway. Its kind of hard to hide from the police when you're screaming in agony. FML

#21213929
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38443) - you deserved it (24417)

On 07/19/2014 at 7:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

#21285126
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35208) - you deserved it (7808)

On 10/25/2014 at 5:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

#21276832
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38802) - you deserved it (7347)

On 10/13/2014 at 10:15am - intimacy - by badplacerightnow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss threw a pre-Christmas party at work. He always uses them to rant at us and tell us to be better employees. When the speech began, the alarm I have set for my daily birth control went off. It's the sound of an obnoxious screaming child. FML

#21316246
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28956) - you deserved it (7232)

On 12/12/2014 at 2:52pm - work - by driven_crazy (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I confronted my boyfriend after I found him cheating on me with my best friend. It ended up with me apologising for spying on him. FML

#21293948
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35223) - you deserved it (17012)

On 11/07/2014 at 7:28am - love - by Turnaround (woman) -

Today, I discovered that the odd creaking noise I hear when I walk down the stairs is actually a crack that had been getting larger over the years. I found out when I fell through and plummeted to the stairs below. FML

#21216856
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41128) - you deserved it (5196)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:46pm - misc - by Oldhouse (man) - United States (California)

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

#21256772
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39306) - you deserved it (2575)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:05am - work - by Diachronic (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML

#21353290
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26709) - you deserved it (17845)

On 02/10/2015 at 9:51am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

#21270711
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45604) - you deserved it (10049)

On 10/04/2014 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by SadMother - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

#21304109
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32819) - you deserved it (3055)

On 11/22/2014 at 8:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I lost my laptop, but I have my old childhood computer to use. It's password-protected, and the hint to the password is "meaner than Hera." I haven't been into Greek mythology since I was a kid, and if anything, this computer has just shown me how dumb I've gotten over the years. FML

#21282844
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30531) - you deserved it (5772)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by HeckIfIKnow (woman) - United States (California)



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