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Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML

by poorlyparented / 06/16/2015 at 8:05am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, an hour into a family road trip, my mother informed me that she didn't put my suitcase in the car because it "didn't fit". FML

by Son of a Bitch / 08/01/2015 at 1:17pm / United States / Holidays

Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML

by Noname / 01/27/2009 at 2:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working the dinner rush at my job, every single computer, credit card machine, and printer froze for an hour and a half. The reason behind this issue was a large wire ripped from the mainframe, the same wire I tripped over 20 seconds before while my boss watched. FML

by starrybrooke / 04/06/2009 at 4:40am / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML

by Allen / 05/26/2009 at 1:12am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my girlfriend to a Bo Bice concert for her birthday. She loves him so I bought us second row seats. After we got there we ran into some friends of hers sitting way back in the lawn section, and of course she wanted to sit with them. I paid $300 to sit on the grass and watch Bo Bice. FML

by roark0806 / 05/29/2009 at 9:54am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad decided to clean out my car and "accidentally" threw away my $520 tax refund check. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation

Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 mins. I stayed in there even though I finished shitting after 5 mins, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML

by yuen / 06/16/2009 at 10:59am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I received an email invitation to a dating web site. It was from my father-in-law. FML

by Mavis / 02/03/2009 at 2:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was calling my cable company to tell me how to fix my internet. I stayed on hold for almost half an hour, and then when someone finally picked up, my phone died. FML

by stuff / 08/16/2009 at 12:36am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell asleep during my division emergency meeting. As I about to head home that evening, my boss patted me on the back saying "Wrong move. Good luck". Turned out, it was a meeting to determine who will be kicked out of the company due to recession. My name was written first on the list. FML

by Unemployed / 09/30/2009 at 5:03am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Work

Today, waiting for the bus, this creepy guy in the terminal kept staring at me. Feeling creeped out, I started walking, knowing I could pick up the bus down the street. When the bus drove up, it was almost completely full and the only open seat was next to the creepy dude from the bus station. FML

by WhyMe / 09/25/2009 at 11:54pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up and the sun was blinding me through my attic window. I have no blinds so I got a poster from my wall and stuck it to the wood on my window with nails. Turn's out I have woodrot, and my entire window fell out. FML

by 3lavyaa / 10/07/2009 at 8:31am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous