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Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML

#21355326
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29373) - you deserved it (3303)

On 02/13/2015 at 12:33pm - misc - by Innocence (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML

#21353835
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38327) - you deserved it (5050)

On 02/11/2015 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Yupppp. (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my parents, my aunt and her husband went out to dinner. There, my aunt told us that she was pregnant, and out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

#21387788
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26832) - you deserved it (15842)

On 04/04/2015 at 11:06pm - kids - by TKPhai - United States (California)

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to "Get a life. Or better pickup lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML

#21377103
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30918) - you deserved it (3864)

On 03/18/2015 at 1:40pm - misc - by fuck (man) - Netherlands

Today, I was watching porn, and ended up bawling because the girl in the video looked like my ex. FML

#21399752
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33538) - you deserved it (10209)

On 04/26/2015 at 12:05am - intimacy - by montanadinosaur (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother found out about the psychology exam I have to take tomorrow. Before leaving for her vacation this morning, she grabbed the internet router and took it with her to "get rid of distractions". I have one day to figure out how to access this online exam without Internet. FML

#21436769
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27275) - you deserved it (1869)

On 07/05/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by getting real crafty.. - United States (Maine)

Today, an hour into a family road trip, my mother informed me that she didn't put my suitcase in the car because it "didn't fit". FML

#21450453
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28961) - you deserved it (1971)

On 08/01/2015 at 1:17pm - misc - by Son of a Bitch - United States

Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML

#2857
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7247) - you deserved it (21660)

On 01/27/2009 at 2:36pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while working the dinner rush at my job, every single computer, credit card machine, and printer froze for an hour and a half. The reason behind this issue was a large wire ripped from the mainframe, the same wire I tripped over 20 seconds before while my boss watched. FML

#831499
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53582) - you deserved it (9605)

On 04/06/2009 at 4:40am - work - by starrybrooke (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad decided to clean out my car and "accidentally" threw away my $520 tax refund check. FML

#2914711
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51202) - you deserved it (6609)

On 06/15/2009 at 3:39pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML

#2299417
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44976) - you deserved it (3032)

On 05/26/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by Allen (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I received an email invitation to a dating web site. It was from my father-in-law. FML

#5881
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43309) - you deserved it (3064)

On 02/03/2009 at 2:54am - intimacy - by Mavis (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met at a speed dating event. He recommended the lamb shank, which I ordered without looking at the menu. When the waiter took my order, my date said, "wait, the lamb is $27, why don't you get the chicken". He then ordered the lamb for himself. FML



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