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Today, I discovered that the reason the phone I've had for a year takes such terrible and cloudy pictures is because I never took the plastic coating off the lens. FML

by ShadowReiku / 12/01/2014 at 11:41pm / United States (Maryland) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend gave me my first ever orgasm. Then he bitched me out for insulting his intelligence, saying it was "blatantly fake" and that "women don't orgasm like that". FML

by good2know / 01/09/2015 at 6:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML

by Yupppp. / 02/11/2015 at 1:25am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I had food poisoning and woke up early in the morning to vomit. My mom emailed all of my teachers saying that I would be late to school because of "morning sickness". Thanks mom. FML

by Lunab123 / 01/31/2015 at 9:43pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML

by Innocence / 02/13/2015 at 12:33pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2015 at 10:25pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got the earlier bus to avoid my ex after a painful breakup. He had the same idea. FML

by sadex / 03/09/2015 at 3:52am / Love

Today, I tried to stage an intervention for a friend who abuses drugs. I ended up with my hair on fire. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2015 at 8:34am / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a person in my class completing a project that was due two periods later and that they had just started in the bathroom. They got a better grade than me. FML

by Anomaly / 03/02/2015 at 9:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to "Get a life. Or better pickup lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML

by fuck / 03/18/2015 at 1:40pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous

Today, a coworker jokingly noted that my signature looks like "Pedo". I couldn't see it that way, so I asked some other people for their opinion. They confessed they'd always thought it looked like "Pedo", but never said anything. My name is Peele. I've been signing it off as Pedo for 10 years. FML

by peele / 03/25/2015 at 9:10am / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents, my aunt and her husband went out to dinner. There, my aunt told us that she was pregnant, and out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

by TKPhai / 04/04/2015 at 11:06pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML

by poorlyparented / 06/16/2015 at 8:05am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy