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Today, I learned that the house I've been living in and paying rent for the past two months was never advertised as vacant. I learned this when the actual homeowners walked in, and called the police for an "intruder." FML

#21291174
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35945) - you deserved it (3020)

On 11/03/2014 at 10:54am - money - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

#21182128
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50751) - you deserved it (8723)

On 06/20/2014 at 5:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

#21256772
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39306) - you deserved it (2575)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:05am - work - by Diachronic (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was taking a shower when the soap began to burn my eyes worse than they've ever burned before. I quickly grabbed whatever cloth I could find to rub my eyes with. My dad's old underwear was the last thing I would expect to find lying near the tub. FML

#21200186
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37846) - you deserved it (5157)

On 07/06/2014 at 1:09am - misc - by x.x (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at my football game, I turned around to spit so that it would be away from my teammates. I ended up spitting on a 10-year-old kid walking behind me. FML

#21203602
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39858) - you deserved it (18808)

On 07/09/2014 at 1:38am - kids - by whoops - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40382) - you deserved it (18310)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML

#21320716
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31890) - you deserved it (4162)

On 12/20/2014 at 2:33am - love - by qyx3lmnop24 - United States (California)

Today, a guy in my class was talking about himself. He started his story with, "When I was little, I was a ginger." I replied without thinking, "Is that why you got put up for adoption?" Him being adopted was the actual story he wanted to tell. FML

#21246134
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20179) - you deserved it (104)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, it was report card day at swimming lessons. Because it was the last day, a little girl brought me flowers. She was the only kid in that class who didn't pass. FML

#21251459
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39994) - you deserved it (3410)

On 09/03/2014 at 9:31pm - work - by anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was at a football game with my boyfriend. I said my hands were getting cold, hoping he'd hold them. He replied, "Uh, they make pockets for a reason..." and physically showed me how to put my hands in my pockets. FML

#21280399
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33331) - you deserved it (6568)

On 10/18/2014 at 10:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

#21285126
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35210) - you deserved it (7807)

On 10/25/2014 at 5:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, an elderly lady sat next to me on a bench, and started telling me out of the blue about how bad it is to have saggy boobs. I was uncomfortable enough at the unwanted info, without her then looking at my chest and adding, "But I expect you already know that, dear." FML

#21203054
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43820) - you deserved it (4312)

On 07/08/2014 at 4:52pm - misc - by madamefuxalittle (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I woke up to find that my acne has lined itself beautifully in a perfect 'L' shape in the centre of my forehead. FML



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