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Today, I decided I was going to do something nice for my parents for Christmas. So, I cleaned the entire house top to bottom, baked cookies, and made them both Christmas cards. What did I get in return? They asked me to wrap my four year old sister's presents, and let me know I got nothing. FML

by blkchkrm / 12/24/2009 at 7:37pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at dinner with my current boyfriend, my ex walked in with his new girlfriend. The waiter put them at the table next to ours, and the two of them had a front row seat to me spilling an entire guacamole salad on my lap out of nervousness. FML

by anonymous / 09/14/2010 at 3:57am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, my friend and I offered a hot girl a lift home from campus. I was sitting in the passenger seat and she climbed in behind me. As I adjusted my seat forward to give her more leg room, my friend pulled off - slamming my seat back into her legs. FML

by tukkies / 10/03/2010 at 5:23am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Transportation

Today, I was alone in my dorm room rehearsing comments to make in my writing class tomorrow. I grew up with a severe stutter, and rehearsing like this is one of the ways I keep my speech under control. What I didn't plan on was my roommate walking in. I think she now thinks I'm schizophrenic. FML

by stutterernotschizophrenic / 11/14/2010 at 10:43pm / Miscellaneous

Today, six months have passed since my parents announced that they're getting a divorce. We're all still awkwardly living together because we haven't been able to sell our house yet. FML

by nerdsgetmehot / 12/29/2010 at 1:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, during a snowstorm, I opened my car door to get out. The wind snapped it wide open, then immediately changed course and swung it back at me just as I stepped out, spilling an entire hot cup of coffee all over me. FML

by Biggie / 02/02/2011 at 9:44am / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, I had to explain to my one person on my staff why having kids aged 6 to 9 hammering in screws with the butt end of a screwdriver is neither safe, nor a good idea. FML

by AntiBobTheBuilder / 03/02/2011 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, a colony of ants announced that they'd moved into my bedroom closet as I went to get dressed for work. FML

by ant_hater / 08/28/2011 at 2:18pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the man who offered to put up the woman I love in exchange for me helping out with his rent, has in fact been her "other" boyfriend since before she moved in. FML

by Just me / 09/09/2011 at 7:48pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I moved out of my apartment by the highway and airport, and into a new place below people who blast loud music, stomp their feet, and slam doors throughout the night. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in over a year. FML

by SakuraFubuki92 / 03/11/2012 at 10:13pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to ring up our local competitors to get prices for paint. I pretended I'd just bought a house and was doing it up, and I actually got excited about doing up a make-believe house. FML

by tillyg15 / 05/02/2012 at 7:18am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Work

Today, my fiancé called me as I was clocking out. I thought he was going to tell me that he was waiting outside. Instead, he told me that he's getting arrested and needs me to call his mom for him. FML

by addie / 03/03/2013 at 3:27am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went for an interview regarding a seasonal position I'd been offered at a grocery store. The manager showed up 45 minutes past the scheduled interview time, cheerfully greeted me, and took me back to his office, just to tell me that they don't hire seasonal help. Ever. FML

by ineedayob / 05/18/2013 at 4:36pm / United States (California) / Work