Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, and on the way back was rear ended in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2009 at 5:04pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML

by holla1787 / 12/03/2009 at 10:11pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was asked by my mom if I could have a joint-birthday party with her dog because it would be the dog's "big 1-0." She was completely serious. FML

by dog_day / 12/19/2009 at 1:20am / United States (Arizona) / Animals

Today, I got stuck in a blizzard. My mother never picked me up like she was supposed to, and wasn't answering her phone. After walking around for a half hour, freezing, I finally found her. Where was she? Sitting in Pizza Hut, having a great time. FML

by kenzieeeee / 12/29/2009 at 7:30pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided I was going to do something nice for my parents for Christmas. So, I cleaned the entire house top to bottom, baked cookies, and made them both Christmas cards. What did I get in return? They asked me to wrap my four year old sister's presents, and let me know I got nothing. FML

by blkchkrm / 12/24/2009 at 7:37pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I offered a hot girl a lift home from campus. I was sitting in the passenger seat and she climbed in behind me. As I adjusted my seat forward to give her more leg room, my friend pulled off - slamming my seat back into her legs. FML

by tukkies / 10/03/2010 at 5:23am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Transportation

Today, I discovered that the upside of losing weight is that men have started hitting on me. The downside? They're all twice my age. FML

by stillyoung / 11/02/2010 at 2:50am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, six months have passed since my parents announced that they're getting a divorce. We're all still awkwardly living together because we haven't been able to sell our house yet. FML

by nerdsgetmehot / 12/29/2010 at 1:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, during a snowstorm, I opened my car door to get out. The wind snapped it wide open, then immediately changed course and swung it back at me just as I stepped out, spilling an entire hot cup of coffee all over me. FML

by Biggie / 02/02/2011 at 9:44am / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, I had to explain to my one person on my staff why having kids aged 6 to 9 hammering in screws with the butt end of a screwdriver is neither safe, nor a good idea. FML

by AntiBobTheBuilder / 03/02/2011 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, a colony of ants announced that they'd moved into my bedroom closet as I went to get dressed for work. FML

by ant_hater / 08/28/2011 at 2:18pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the man who offered to put up the woman I love in exchange for me helping out with his rent, has in fact been her "other" boyfriend since before she moved in. FML

by Just me / 09/09/2011 at 7:48pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I moved out of my apartment by the highway and airport, and into a new place below people who blast loud music, stomp their feet, and slam doors throughout the night. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in over a year. FML

by SakuraFubuki92 / 03/11/2012 at 10:13pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.