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Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

by MouserMan / 10/22/2014 at 10:47am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML

by Hammy / 11/24/2014 at 9:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend bought us plane tickets to Mexico for our "Honeymoon". This would be nice if he had proposed and if we'd been dating for longer than 2 weeks. FML

by anonymous / 11/12/2014 at 12:21am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2014 at 7:52am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought it'd be fun to kick open one of those unisex bathrooms in my workplace. I'm not sure who was more surprised, me or my boss who was in there taking a dump. FML

by unlucky / 12/11/2014 at 8:26am / Hong Kong / Work

Today, my boyfriend uploaded a pic to snapchat that said "the love of my life." It was a pic of our beautiful baby girl. Then he uploaded another pic that said "the 2nd love of my life." It was a pic of the fuel truck he drives for work. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2015 at 1:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I wore a new shirt, but forgot to remove the price tag. It was kind of windy outside, so when I got outside, the tag hit me on the neck, I thought it was a giant insect attacking my neck. I started screaming like a little girl. I'm a 30 year old guy. FML

by Jordan / 04/02/2015 at 3:58pm / Jordan (Al Balqa') / Miscellaneous

Today, my professor let a guy into my philosophy class 30 minutes late because his excuse was, "Time is just an illusion." This is the same professor that kicked me out of the classroom for being 2 minutes late. FML

by Really / 06/09/2015 at 9:59pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

Today, I lost my third phone in a year. Making it a grand total of 11 telephones lost or stolen in the past 3 years. FML

by failphone / 01/07/2009 at 2:57pm / United States (California) / Geek

Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML

by Noname / 01/27/2009 at 2:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was giving my friend sex advice when she asked me when was the last time for me. Not only did I lie but I realized that it was in November and the time before that was June. I have had sex less times this year than she has this week. FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2009 at 11:07am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I took my girlfriend to a Bo Bice concert for her birthday. She loves him so I bought us second row seats. After we got there we ran into some friends of hers sitting way back in the lawn section, and of course she wanted to sit with them. I paid $300 to sit on the grass and watch Bo Bice. FML

by roark0806 / 05/29/2009 at 9:54am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 mins. I stayed in there even though I finished shitting after 5 mins, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML

by yuen / 06/16/2009 at 10:59am / Australia (Victoria) / Work