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Today, I thought it'd be fun to kick open one of those unisex bathrooms in my workplace. I'm not sure who was more surprised, me or my boss who was in there taking a dump. FML

by unlucky / 12/11/2014 at 8:26am / Hong Kong / Work

Today, my boyfriend uploaded a pic to snapchat that said "the love of my life." It was a pic of our beautiful baby girl. Then he uploaded another pic that said "the 2nd love of my life." It was a pic of the fuel truck he drives for work. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2015 at 1:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I wore a new shirt, but forgot to remove the price tag. It was kind of windy outside, so when I got outside, the tag hit me on the neck, I thought it was a giant insect attacking my neck. I started screaming like a little girl. I'm a 30 year old guy. FML

by Jordan / 04/02/2015 at 3:58pm / Jordan (Al Balqa') / Miscellaneous

Today, my professor let a guy into my philosophy class 30 minutes late because his excuse was, "Time is just an illusion." This is the same professor that kicked me out of the classroom for being 2 minutes late. FML

by Really / 06/09/2015 at 9:59pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

Today, my mother bought me some "biodegradable" tissues. Indeed, they melted… in my hand. FML

by mc / 01/02/2009 at 9:12pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost my third phone in a year. Making it a grand total of 11 telephones lost or stolen in the past 3 years. FML

by failphone / 01/07/2009 at 2:57pm / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I was giving my friend sex advice when she asked me when was the last time for me. Not only did I lie but I realized that it was in November and the time before that was June. I have had sex less times this year than she has this week. FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2009 at 11:07am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met at a speed dating event. He recommended the lamb shank, which I ordered without looking at the menu. When the waiter took my order, my date said, "wait, the lamb is $27, why don't you get the chicken". He then ordered the lamb for himself. FML

by bettysue / 02/06/2009 at 10:37am / United States (California) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I flew home from college to see my parents. Later I found the expensive painting and hand-made necklace I mailed to my mom for mother's day while taking out the trash. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2009 at 4:58pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my best friend's birthday party. After about 15 minutes, I noticed a girl, possibly one of his sister's friends, wearing the same shirt as me. I am a 23 year old bloke. She didn't look a day over 14. FML

by bluewinter / 05/23/2009 at 6:53am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend didn't come home from a night of drinking with the boys again, so I told him that I was packing my things and I wouldn't be here when he came home. After all my things were packed, I realized he drove my car to the bar. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2009 at 8:11am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, it was my father's wedding. He never really cared for me, and his fiancée is my age, but I thought it would mean a lot to him if I went. I was supposed to wait for his call the day before, so he would give me directions and tell me when it starts. He never called. FML

by kkiv / 08/29/2009 at 3:21am / Poland (Warszawa) / Miscellaneous

Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, and on the way back was rear ended in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2009 at 5:04pm / United States (New York) / Transportation