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Today, I was at a pet store cuddling an apparently overaggressive chinchilla when it decided to bite me and run out of my hands. It is now nowhere to be found and I have to pay for it. FML

by alltimelove / 11/18/2010 at 10:34am / Animals

Today, I used the restrooms at the shopping mall. The cleaning lady stepped in after me, immediately turned around and very demonstratively started spraying air freshener. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2010 at 5:52am / Netherlands / Health

Today, I have a cold and need to blow my nose all the time. The problem is that every time I blow my nose, I get a nosebleed. When I breathe through my mouth, I have a coughing fit. So I have to choose between not breathing, coughing up mucus or blowing blood. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 9:37am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I painted an area I had carefully sanded, cleaned, and taped off. I pulled a fan out of the closet to help dry it faster. I turned the fan on, and a million dust particles flew off onto the wet paint. FML

by Carmen / 02/26/2011 at 8:57am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realised that what I had thought was my dad's default state for the past 17 years is actually his drunken state. FML

by Violet / 04/19/2011 at 5:50am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got home to find my truck smashed by a fallen old tree. I was going to have the tree removed next week. FML

by Username / 06/23/2011 at 12:47am / United States (Iowa) / Transportation

Today, I had my first hockey game after being out with a shoulder injury. I ended up cracking my tail bone. FML

by Paul Williams / 06/24/2011 at 3:17pm / United States / Health

Today, I tried to politely explain to my mother that I'm allergic to her laundry soap. She just called me crazy. I have been scratching for three days straight and my skin is almost all red. She refuses to buy anything else. FML

by izzy54149 / 10/25/2011 at 8:02pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was out selling Christmas-themed calendars for charity door-to-door. I rang a doorbell and a wild-eyed man appeared at the door, shouted about being "on nights" and that I'd woken him up, called me a "bell end", threw a newspaper at me and slammed the door in my face. FML

by firemansam / 12/12/2011 at 6:36am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Miscellaneous

Today, on my first day of a new factory job, I discovered that my new boss had lied to me about my hours. I found this out when my coworkers burst out laughing when I mentioned having the weekends off, and talking about my recreational plans. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2012 at 10:22pm / United States / Work

Today, it was my wedding day. The best part was when we were taking photos and I threw up on my dress. At least the pictures were outside. FML

by whatevershit / 05/13/2012 at 2:28am / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, I found out where the mysterious bites on my back keep coming from. It's not every day you find an earwig in your loofah. FML

by ewwww / 05/26/2013 at 1:55pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I fell asleep listening to my music and tanning at the beach. Not only did I wake up with a sunburn, but my iPhone had been stolen. FML

by maggie2014 / 06/23/2013 at 7:48pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous