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Today, my sister brought me coffee to my office. It was really nice so I made a status about it on Facebook. My boyfriend texted me soon after, freaking out because I never put anything on Facebook about him and how great he is. I'm basically dating a 14-year-old girl. FML

#21084209
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39518) - you deserved it (6557)

On 03/11/2014 at 6:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML

#21089774
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54100) - you deserved it (6541)

On 03/18/2014 at 5:14am - intimacy - by tiredofcrazy (woman) - Australia

Today, while at my brother's funeral, my girlfriend decided to tell me she's been sleeping with him. FML

#21126504
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54329) - you deserved it (3509)

On 04/29/2014 at 6:40pm - love - by loserman - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned the hard way that when I ask a cute girl if she's artistic, it sounds like I'm asking her if she's autistic. FML

Today, at my job as a bouncer at a music venue, a guy got his nose broken in a rowdy mosh pit. When I went to help him up and see if he was okay, he said, "It was an accident, please don't kick me out," but the word "please" came out as a hot spray of his blood across my face. FML

Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML

#21097153
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21515) - you deserved it (35980)

On 03/26/2014 at 6:39pm - health - by athletiks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a would-be customer practically kicked my store door in, then got pissed and started throwing around insults after I told him that we were still closed, hence the closed sign. He claimed the sign was "confusing". FML

#21098658
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36186) - you deserved it (3020)

On 03/28/2014 at 4:11pm - work - by IDIOT (man) - United States

Today, as I walked out the door to head to class, my neighbour's kid threw a balloon at me, filled with some kind of foul-smelling liquid that he calls "liquid ass". I had a presentation 20 minutes later and couldn't get the smell off myself in time. FML

#21100982
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38373) - you deserved it (2826)

On 03/31/2014 at 1:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Japan (Hyogo)

Today, my teacher used an online program and accused me of plagiarism. According to the program, I plagiarized my own last name. FML

Today, I was working at a coffee shop. I was serving a customer when a cockroach appeared out of nowhere, and I screamed. Customers aren't supposed to know about the bugs so I had to lie and say I spilled coffee on myself, and served the customer while I felt the bug climbing up my leg. FML

Today, I was hanging out with my friends, and we got the idea to do some improv comedy together for a laugh. Barely two minutes into our fake political debate, everyone had apparently forgotten it was all a joke. Raging ensued, and a vicious fight quickly followed. FML

#21127290
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35133) - you deserved it (7840)

On 04/30/2014 at 4:56pm - health - by idiotfucks (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML

#21104962
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47512) - you deserved it (7734)

On 04/05/2014 at 3:14am - intimacy - by armtits and big pits - United States (Florida)

Today, my teen son gave me the completed manuscript of the novel he's been working on for 4 years. Surprised and excited that he showed so much dedication to something, I volunteered to read it. I'm only on page 16 and it's absolute drivel, with grammar that makes my eyes bleed. Only 281 pages to go. FML

#21120593
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39460) - you deserved it (6077)

On 04/23/2014 at 3:17am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Dakota)



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