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Today, it was my great aunt's funeral. We all had to wait two hours for the service to begin, because they forgot to dig the grave. FML

#21247920
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37765) - you deserved it (2250)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:54pm - misc - by abbshows (man) - United States

Today, my boss asked about the mass of deep scratches on my arm. I lied and told him it happened while I was trying to save my cat from a tree. Truth is, my cat is a sadistic asshole who stalks me and mauls me whenever he can. FML

#21286814
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31670) - you deserved it (4987)

On 10/28/2014 at 3:40am - animals - by thewrittenrebel - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML

#21354177
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27245) - you deserved it (9757)

On 02/11/2015 at 4:00pm - misc - by assholedad (man) - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML

#21315592
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31869) - you deserved it (7197)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Anon - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I found out that, due to the walls at my uni dorm being ridiculously thin, my entire flat overheard me lose my virginity. Spanking and all. FML

#21344108
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27759) - you deserved it (8363)

On 01/25/2015 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by Orgasmataz (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my dad asked me how I would feel about going on an all-expenses-paid, month-long holiday to the Caribbean. I was ecstatic and broke into tears of joy, saying I'd love it. He replied, "Yeah, me too. Shame it ain't happening!" then left for work, laughing his arse off. FML

#21220536
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44537) - you deserved it (8522)

On 07/25/2014 at 6:46pm - misc - by xXshitface4uXx (woman) - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, I had to deal with numerous complaints about an employee washing their genitals in the communal bathroom sink. Nothing in the HR manual prepared me for this. FML

Today, I babysat an 11 year old kid while his parents ate out. As soon as they left, the kid asked me if I wanted to be on the sex offender's list. Before I could even process that, he told me to stay out of his way and he wouldn't accuse me of anything. FML

#21341483
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36529) - you deserved it (2369)

On 01/21/2015 at 6:57am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I overheard my son mutter to himself, "If Hitler could do it to that many people, so could I..." Anyone recommend a good psychiatrist? FML

#21290608
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32625) - you deserved it (2909)

On 11/02/2014 at 3:57pm - kids - by failure (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend convinced my 4-year-old sister that girls don't poop. She won't stop crying and now thinks she's a freak. FML

#21260556
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36817) - you deserved it (3486)

On 09/18/2014 at 9:16am - kids - by Anonymous - Kenya

Today, I decided to give my boyfriend a surprise striptease. After I turned around, I heard him murmur "Oh, wow." I turned back around, only to find him watching a gif of a cat falling into snow in slow motion. FML

#21291260
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35755) - you deserved it (4150)

On 11/03/2014 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Dezzy - United States (Missouri)

Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML

#21339526
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26926) - you deserved it (18734)

On 01/18/2015 at 11:34am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, my boss at my new call center job said he'd gotten complaints about me. Apparently I sound "too black" and it's "upsetting" some of our customers. I don't know what that even means, but my boss said I need to "tone it down or we're gonna have some problems". FML

#21310827
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37091) - you deserved it (3519)

On 12/03/2014 at 4:21pm - work - by WTF - United States (Texas)



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