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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML

#20999362
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41031) - you deserved it (3959)

On 12/20/2013 at 5:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, I asked my 5-year-old nephew to clean up his mess of toys. He responded by kicking my foot. My bandaged foot which was still recovering from my surgery last week. I'm probably going to need another operation to fix the damage. FML

#21017302
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47394) - you deserved it (4879)

On 01/05/2014 at 12:11am - kids - by scotsgal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my first day at my new job. Not only does everyone hate me for replacing a guy they all liked, I managed to clog the only functional toilet there. The glares and threatening head-shaking they keep doing probably means I'm screwed. FML

#21023700
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41359) - you deserved it (5435)

On 01/10/2014 at 4:46pm - work - by shite (man) - United Kingdom

Today, was my first day of work in my life. I was excited, and so was my dad, who saw me to the door and ruffled my hair as he wished me luck. I didn't notice until half an hour after arriving at work that he'd stuck his gum in my hair. Nobody bothered to tell me. FML

#21136840
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43904) - you deserved it (3827)

On 05/11/2014 at 4:30pm - work - by sheisselluv (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)

Today, I got fired from my job. Why? Apparently taking 10 minutes to take a shit is too long for some people. FML

#21219077
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45290) - you deserved it (8493)

On 07/24/2014 at 5:05am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

#21245163
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35931) - you deserved it (2907)

On 08/25/2014 at 4:14pm - misc - by fanaticalfuckspawn (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it's my birthday, and everyone, family and friends, forgot. Except my dog who left me a present on my bed. FML

#21253357
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39051) - you deserved it (2787)

On 09/06/2014 at 11:06pm - animals - by Meowit (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after getting stressed out by my parents having a serious fight for hours, I'm now listening to their make-up sex. FML

#21275167
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42045) - you deserved it (3706)

On 10/10/2014 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by housewiththinwalls - Sweden

Today, my ex-girlfriend started dating the guy she told me not to worry about when we dated. FML

#21288806
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36717) - you deserved it (3893)

On 10/31/2014 at 12:24am - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML

#21330614
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37932) - you deserved it (3423)

On 01/04/2015 at 11:58am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, my parents grounded me because I refused to do my little sister's homework for her. FML

#21337837
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34907) - you deserved it (2093)

On 01/15/2015 at 8:21pm - misc - by MovingOut (man) - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines

Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML

#21418416
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31108) - you deserved it (4850)

On 05/31/2015 at 3:06am - intimacy - by bonehead69 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML

#21432346
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12007) - you deserved it (36885)

On 06/26/2015 at 2:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)



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