Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life". I'm 26 and just very short. FML

#21341527
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39982) - you deserved it (2228)

On 01/21/2015 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

#21244302
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38004) - you deserved it (5044)

On 08/24/2014 at 8:40am - animals - by abusedparrot - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML

#21347104
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27738) - you deserved it (2893)

On 01/31/2015 at 12:38am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's ghost costume, a white sheet with holes all over. I got beat up for dressing like a member of the KKK. FML

#21289401
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33116) - you deserved it (6313)

On 10/31/2014 at 11:59pm - misc - by Halloween Fail (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I lost my wedding ring at work. It wouldn't be too hard to track down, except that I work at Heinz. If you find it in your mayonnaise, keep it. FML

Today, I farted while I was in the car with my driving instructor and my partner. They couldn't hear it, but it smelled so bad that my instructor thought there was a gas leak, and he made us switch cars. FML

#21312925
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30875) - you deserved it (6304)

On 12/07/2014 at 1:15am - misc - by Gassy and sassy (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

#21244858
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44985) - you deserved it (8017)

On 08/25/2014 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

#21269829
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29968) - you deserved it (10328)

On 10/02/2014 at 9:55pm - work - by stewardess - United States (Texas)

Today, at the fast food joint I work at, I had to climb into the children's play area and chase out two horny teens who thought it was an appropriate place to stick their hands down each other's pants and fool around. I don't get paid enough for this shit. FML

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

#21261750
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39626) - you deserved it (4944)

On 09/20/2014 at 11:03am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML

#21308219
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36820) - you deserved it (5906)

On 11/29/2014 at 4:08pm - intimacy - by blueballed (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

#21243572
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49615) - you deserved it (4364)

On 08/23/2014 at 2:26am - intimacy - by confidence taken - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I sharted during my wedding vows. FML

#21365151
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37793) - you deserved it (4515)

On 02/28/2015 at 9:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Nordjylland)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: