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Today, I realized I need a new job when I had to take anti-anxiety medication before meeting with my boss. Last time we met, I had a panic attack. FML

by bosslady12 / 12/21/2011 at 1:10pm / United States / Work

Today, after having watched a scare story on the news about heart disease, my mom is now insisting that we have daily, hour-long, family yoga sessions together. I have a job, and barely have enough time to do my homework as it is. I'm going to be grounded if I don't take part. FML

by marie519 / 01/08/2012 at 7:59pm / United States (Mississippi) / Health

Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML

by Megan / 06/17/2012 at 3:38pm / United Kingdom (Neath Port Talbot) / Work

Today, I came home to find that while my husband and children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil and barfed everything up on the couch. FML

by Sammy / 02/25/2013 at 2:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I called my mother to tell her that I got engaged. In the 15 minute conversation that followed, 13 were spent listening to how this is going to affect her. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2013 at 4:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends started calling me "Soberman" because I recently gave up alcohol and have a Doberman. Normally, I wouldn't mind the nickname, but they call me Soberman everywhere. My new boss now thinks it's because I AM an alcoholic. FML

by juice723 / 11/20/2013 at 6:09am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to have a fun night out. I met a guy and we went back to "his" place, which turned out to actually be his mother's house. He introduced me to her. Two hours later, I knew his life story and had to do the walk of shame without ever getting anywhere near his bedroom. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2013 at 3:37pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Intimacy

Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2013 at 5:00pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my 5-year-old nephew to clean up his mess of toys. He responded by kicking my foot. My bandaged foot which was still recovering from my surgery last week. I'm probably going to need another operation to fix the damage. FML

by scotsgal / 01/05/2014 at 12:11am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, after losing his job, I reassured my boyfriend by telling him I'd rather be with him living in a cardboard box than to be without him. He responded by telling me he'd rather be dead. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2014 at 12:26am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

by fanaticalfuckspawn / 08/25/2014 at 4:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was punched in the face because my uncontrollable hiccups were "annoying". FML

by soccer8goalie / 09/02/2014 at 10:13pm / United States (West Virginia) / Health

Today, it's my birthday, and everyone, family and friends, forgot. Except my dog who left me a present on my bed. FML

by Meowit / 09/06/2014 at 11:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals