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Today, I looked my boyfriend in the eyes and said "I love y-" He cut me off with, "Babe, a blowjob's worth a thousand words" and held eye contact until I awkwardly excused myself. FML

#21361029
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33637) - you deserved it (3852)

On 02/22/2015 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by bugger -

Today, after seven people at work approaching me and asking me if I was 'that lad from the paper', I picked one up to see what they were talking about. Turns out my doppelganger is a man who brutally murdered his older brother last year. FML

#21367159
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32418) - you deserved it (2023)

On 03/03/2015 at 9:01am - misc - by definatelynotamurderer (man) - United Kingdom

Today, the neighbors called the cops because they heard "gun shots". My girlfriend and I were popping bubble wrap. FML

#21364157
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30096) - you deserved it (2471)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:35pm - misc - by We're still popping them - United States (California)

Today, I noticed that my son was less excited about losing a tooth than normal. I asked him what was wrong, he said, "Tyler told me that the tooth fairy died yesterday in a car accident." To which Tyler replied, "You're welcome." FML

#21367147
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29210) - you deserved it (2410)

On 03/03/2015 at 8:14am - kids - by Mommycakes (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was doing homework and I had my leg bent in a funny position. When I stood up, my hip dislocated. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. When people ask me what happened, I have to say I dislocated my hip doing calculus. FML

#21381072
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27818) - you deserved it (2775)

On 03/25/2015 at 12:24am - health - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I visited my girlfriend's apartment for the first time. I guess she forgot to do some spring cleaning before I showed up, because I saw my laptop on her couch. The same laptop that was stolen from my house along with several other valuables last week. FML

#21387302
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34832) - you deserved it (2346)

On 04/04/2015 at 12:04am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was in the bus on my way home. I was reading a book, and drops of something were getting all over it. It was the man sitting next to me who was asleep and drooling. FML

#6903052
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21719) - you deserved it (2212)

On 12/23/2009 at 1:56pm - misc - by fml_forever32 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband decided to be helpful and do all the laundry, including pre-treating all the stains. He felt that Clorox Clean-Up with Bleach would be the most effective. FML

#8374594
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21009) - you deserved it (3292)

On 02/17/2010 at 1:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I found my company car wrecked in a ditch. Apparently, leaving it parked on an icy hill all night was a bad idea. I have to pick up my manager from the airport. FML

#8350634
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6864) - you deserved it (22419)

On 02/16/2010 at 8:29pm - love - by croleymd - United States

Today, I hadn't been out in two weeks, and I was looking forward to going to the beach with my friends. Instead, I rear-ended someone at a roundabout and had to go home. FML

#10664484
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8976) - you deserved it (19743)

On 05/21/2010 at 6:11am - misc - by CARnage (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got a call from a police department saying that if I didn't move my car from a store's parking lot within the next 15 minutes, they were going to tow it and charge me for the fee. I was at work and the reason I parked it there is because it started smoking and almost caught fire. FML

#8984403
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19119) - you deserved it (4405)

On 03/10/2010 at 10:03pm - misc - by ohemgee (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got through to the phone interview stage for a great job. When the phone rang, I answered and suddenly, spontaneously, burped really loudly. The interviewer hung up. FML

#9396047
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23786) - you deserved it (9801)

On 03/26/2010 at 5:44am - work - by urrrppp (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

#19032748
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9241) - you deserved it (16162)

On 02/09/2012 at 6:29am - money - by thatgirl34 - Australia (Victoria)



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