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Today, my mom got a cat. I'm allergic to cats, so I politely asked my mom why she got it. Her response: "I want you to finally want to move out." I turned eighteen two weeks ago. FML

#20835283
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46057) - you deserved it (4630)

On 08/13/2013 at 11:36am - work - by skaterboy - Canada (Alberta)

Today, to help with my insomnia, I downloaded some relaxing rain MP3s and set them to loop. For the first time in ages, I fell asleep within minutes. Somewhere around 5, however, the sound of trickling water caused my bladder to empty itself all over my bed. FML

#20832201
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42692) - you deserved it (6147)

On 08/11/2013 at 1:24pm - misc - by just about pissed off (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML

#20830853
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61238) - you deserved it (3316)

On 08/10/2013 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mom put me in charge of her business's Facebook. Later, I was doing homework and took a Facebook break, changing my status to "So fucking boring." I'd forgotten to log out of the business account. FML

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

#20856552
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46433) - you deserved it (11399)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:34pm - intimacy - by crier - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out yet another of my guy friends liked me. I posted that I just wanted a guy friend that had absolutely no romantic feelings for me. My crush volunteered. FML

#20842536
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31513) - you deserved it (61749)

On 08/18/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by fail - United States

Today, my parents told me that I had been accepted into my top two colleges, but they didn't show me the letters because they were worried that if they spent money on tuition, they wouldn't be able to keep BOTH of their brand new Mercedes. FML

Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

#20852599
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41184) - you deserved it (4253)

On 08/24/2013 at 6:05pm - kids - by thanks mom ¬_¬ (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML

#20874035
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49391) - you deserved it (5365)

On 09/09/2013 at 2:15am - intimacy - by merpaderp14 (woman) - Canada

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

#20861177
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43392) - you deserved it (2526)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:44am - work - by smashyonewfloors - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to visit my overly-posh mother for the first time in many years. Upon arrival, she kicked me out because my outfit did not follow the same color-scheme as her decor. FML

#20888617
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43932) - you deserved it (2994)

On 09/20/2013 at 1:52am - misc - by wat - United States (California)

Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML

#20895300
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35733) - you deserved it (12710)

On 09/25/2013 at 2:59am - love - by so_screwed - United States (California)

Today, I found out the hard way that my boyfriend and mother have been sending each other sexually-explicit picture messages. FML



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