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Today, my sister is working on her graduation speech. She gives her thanks to one friend for helping support her through school, like, "The sister I never had". FML

by onlychild / 04/12/2014 at 2:22am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband's cat died. He has resorted to calling me by her name to comfort himself. FML

by catfriend / 05/06/2014 at 1:42am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I got called a cunt at work by a customer. What could I have said that could have caused them to say that? "Have a great day." FML

by notoneatall / 07/06/2014 at 11:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2014 at 1:54pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my job as a fast food manager, I saw one of my employees "trying to pick the bugs out" of our cookies. They were the raisins in them. FML

by mcmanager / 08/11/2014 at 10:18am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I wrecked my car because my mom texted me, telling me not to text and drive. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2014 at 10:08am / United States / Transportation

Today, I was taking a customer's order, when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2014 at 11:30am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I rode my new motorcycle to work for the first time. As I accelerated, I felt a sharp pain in my neck. Apparently, poisonous spiders can actually get trapped inside motorbike helmets. Duly noted. FML

by thelordofpies / 10/17/2014 at 11:24am / United States / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up to a text from my manager, saying "Hed's up dude, ur gettin fired tomoz. CEO's pissed. No hard feelins m8". Great. FML

by fired tomoz / 10/29/2014 at 11:46am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Work

Today, after realizing my flashcards had fallen out of my binder, I asked my teacher if I could quickly go to my locker to get them. She said no and told me to go sit down. As soon as class ended, I went to my locker and brought them to her. Her response? "Why didn't you ask me to get these during class?" FML

by ohgosh... / 11/17/2014 at 10:10pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying "Hey there." She quickly replied, assuring me that she's not cheating on me. Uh, okay. FML

by is_that_right / 12/27/2014 at 2:14pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my friends and I were talking about our celebrity lookalikes. We decided that my friends all had attractive celebrity lookalikes, including Scarlett Johansson and Hayden Panettiere. When it was my turn, they decided that my "celebrity" lookalike is the Pillsbury Doughboy. FML

by KD / 01/04/2015 at 4:53pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2015 at 9:24am / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Intimacy