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Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

#21032373
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43871) - you deserved it (6367)

On 01/19/2014 at 12:17am - kids - by MommyProblems (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that someone had peed into the bottle of Febreze that we keep in the dorm bathroom. I found this out when I sprayed it onto my coat to get rid of a weird smell. FML

#21019092
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43973) - you deserved it (4620)

On 01/06/2014 at 2:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I downloaded Grindr to my phone. It also downloaded to my mom's phone, my dad's phone, and my brother's phone. FML

#21030290
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39415) - you deserved it (20917)

On 01/16/2014 at 9:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

#21023480
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44975) - you deserved it (5317)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was breast feeding my son. Out of nowhere, he bit my nipple hard, causing me to scream in pain. He giggled with my nipple still between his teeth. FML

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

#21037332
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37488) - you deserved it (4702)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML

#21031087
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50610) - you deserved it (6400)

On 01/17/2014 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

#21055293
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35844) - you deserved it (6344)

On 02/09/2014 at 12:00pm - misc - by jigglepuff - United States (Arizona)

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

#21050455
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51116) - you deserved it (5129)

On 02/04/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by DeeDee - Austria (Wien)

Today, I was singing while driving through the car park. I blacked out trying to hit a high note, and ended up bashing into another car. FML

#21063366
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23573) - you deserved it (40686)

On 02/17/2014 at 12:43pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at the mall with a couple of friends when we saw a couple of cute boys. I made eye contact with the cutest one. Flustered, I giggled, only to send a wad of snot flying out of my nose. FML

#21067978
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43520) - you deserved it (7682)

On 02/21/2014 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was at a swim meet. I asked my friend if he could be my wingman and help me get a date with a girl I really liked. I told him my plan, and as I finished and turned to go to her, I noticed her standing right there, listening in on the whole conversation. FML

#21055088
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41859) - you deserved it (12061)

On 02/09/2014 at 2:12am - love - by look before you speak - United States

Today, I was driving through the mountains and there was a chain requirement. I went to put them on and found a note where my chains used to be saying, "Have fun in a blizzard now bitch" from my ex. FML

#21062139
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39881) - you deserved it (6071)

On 02/16/2014 at 2:37am - misc - by snowlover (woman) - United States (California)



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