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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML

#21100140
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45104) - you deserved it (3947)

On 03/30/2014 at 12:50pm - love - by starfishedasshole (man) - United States

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

#21116585
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39547) - you deserved it (4386)

On 04/18/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I'm in the process of adopting a child. When I called my mom to tell her the news, she just said, "Oh honey, don't adopt, it's the worst decision you'll ever make." I'm adopted. FML

#21110479
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47457) - you deserved it (2980)

On 04/11/2014 at 5:58pm - kids - by babylove - South Africa

Today, I realised the only preparation I've done for my final French exam has been wanking off to French porn. FML

#21135849
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22955) - you deserved it (53706)

On 05/10/2014 at 4:52pm - intimacy - by vivelawank - United Kingdom

Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML

#21124338
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43393) - you deserved it (6063)

On 04/27/2014 at 1:25pm - love - by Shit (man) - United States (California)

Today, I read that egg whites make a good hair treatment. Everything was going fine until, without thinking, I turned the hot water on to wash it out. I'm still picking the cooked egg out of my hair. FML

#21129302
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25335) - you deserved it (33325)

On 05/03/2014 at 12:57am - misc - by EggHead - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML

#21121256
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34865) - you deserved it (4873)

On 04/23/2014 at 10:21pm - misc - by Quackadoodledoo (man) - United Kingdom (Barnet)

Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML

#21137065
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52015) - you deserved it (7206)

On 05/11/2014 at 8:14pm - love - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Hawke's Bay)

Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML

#21134608
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42184) - you deserved it (3635) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/08/2014 at 4:48pm - animals - by gvmfvr - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

#21139841
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36531) - you deserved it (4300)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug (man) - United States (California)

Today, the creepy kid who sits behind me in English class decided that sniffing my hair wasn't disturbing enough for his liking, so he tried something new: popping one of the pimples on my neck. When I reacted in horror, all he could say was, "It looked pretty..." FML

#21134831
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47115) - you deserved it (4320)

On 05/09/2014 at 1:24pm - love - by WTTFFFF (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my cat decided to hide in the garbage can so he could get a free trip outside, but was too fat to climb all of the way inside of it. He got stuck half-way in. It took me ten minutes to get him out. FML

Today, I received yet another rejection letter from a college I'd applied to. After crying for a week about how lousy I felt, my older sister gave me all 6 of the acceptance letters she'd been hiding. Turns out she's been forging rejection letters and keeping the real ones in her room. FML

#21140332
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67091) - you deserved it (4958)

On 05/15/2014 at 1:40am - misc - by livingamongtheflowers - United States



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