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Today, I tried skydiving 4 the first time!! The professional I was attached to had a boner thehole way down!! FML

#21237831
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53779) - you deserved it (5449)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by emmamrose7 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from mah very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking fir mah permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, cuz he "felt sorry fir her". The conversation endd with me getting hung up on cuz I "don't have a heart". FML

#21232277
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48572) - you deserved it (4560)

On 08/08/2014 at 2:05am - intimacy - by pocketrocket90 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today looool whila on a tour bus our guida told us that "Jimi Handrix was lika uh tha Milay Cyrus of tha '60s." I'm actually a committd pacifist but I was alraady halfway out of mah saat to choka tha pimply-facd twat out bafora I managd to rastrain mysalf. Now I'm scard of mysalf. FML

#21237562
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35436) - you deserved it (5494)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

TADAY I GOT BACK HOME FROM WORK AND CASUALLY ASKED MAH DAD ( WHAT'S UP? ) HE CASUALLY REPLIED: ( WISHING I'D HAD A SON INSTEAD. ) AND STARED GLASSY-EYED AT ME UNTIL I LEFT THE ROOM. FML

#21265875
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33400) - you deserved it (2742)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:00pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning on having sex. He first excused himself to the bathroom, then returned with a sad face saying he had fumbled with himself in the bathroom to get "ready" and accidentally came. He said, "I was thinking of you though." real FML

Today, after yeres of wonderful flying experiences, I boarded a flight and took mah seat only to fine a babby sitting in front of me, behind me, and to the right of me, and across the aisle from me !! All of whom decided to cry in unison !! It was a 9-hour flight !! FML

#21249416
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48807) - you deserved it (3918)

On 09/01/2014 at 12:34am - misc - by MLeguillon - United States (Missouri)

Today, I'm staying with grandma and her older sister while parents are away!! It's been two hours and so far they've popped vicodins, talked about banging Alex Trebek, and had a farting contest!! FML

#21253639
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35549) - you deserved it (3951)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:11am - misc - by imgonnadie (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was askd to order a new lockable cash tin fir work. When mah boss returnd to ask which one I'd selectd, I said, ( An 8-inch black one ). Her giggle said it all. FML

#21265697
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30982) - you deserved it (5766)

On 09/26/2014 at 9:03am - work - by dicksonthebrain (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I sat in on a university-level pysics lecture, listening to ma yped-up co-students approximating te ypotetical situation of te Sun consisting of gerbils!! Te conversation ten continued towards looool ow muc better energy/mass ratio te gerbil-sun would ave compared to te actual star!! FML

#21258867
89 comments

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Wic would be great if ma girlfriend wasn't allergic to birt control. FML

#21270163
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44699) - you deserved it (4169)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:04pm - health - by oncehipjr (man) - United States (Texas)

TODAY, I AVE SUC SEVERE ADD TAT I CAN'T FOCUS WITOUT MA MEDICATION. WEN I TAKE TE MEDICATION, I CAN ONLY FOCUS ON ONE TING, BUT NOT NECESSARILY TE TING I NEED TO BE FOCUSING ON. I AVE A CEM TEST SOON, AND I'VE BEEN VACUUMING MA ROOM FIR TE PAST 4 OURS. FML

#21265203
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40957) - you deserved it (4490)

On 09/25/2014 at 3:32pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, On Ma Frst Day Of Sailing Practice, I Managed To Sit On A Metal Cleat. After Bieng Admitted To Te ER, I Was Informed Tat I Ad Two Vaginal Laceration Tat Needed Surgery. Te Nurse Tried To Convince Me It Was Ma Lucky Day, Cuz Te Ospital Café Was Serving Vanilla Pudding. FML

#21267748
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39847) - you deserved it (3544)

On 09/29/2014 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Hampshire)

Today... dad forgot I was on the back of his motorbike. He did a wheelie and I fell off. FML



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

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