Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, my friends and I were talking about our celebrity lookalikes. We decided that my friends all had attractive celebrity lookalikes, including Scarlett Johansson and Hayden Panettiere. When it was my turn, they decided that my "celebrity" lookalike is the Pillsbury Doughboy. FML

by KD / 01/04/2015 at 4:53pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2015 at 9:24am / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Intimacy

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

by tobuscus9412 / 03/21/2015 at 9:04pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my drunken feminazi mother shouted to me at the top of her lungs, "All men are fucking assholes, and your new husband is no different!" during our wedding reception. All he did was ask her how she liked the salmon. FML

by How's the salmon? / 05/10/2015 at 2:00am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, an old lady in public transport yelled at me and my dog, called me a liar, and threw her grape soda over me because according to her my pet Shiba Inu was actually a fox, and keeping foxes as pets is illegal. FML

by foxownerapperantly / 06/07/2015 at 5:48pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Transportation

Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML

by but cum to think of it... / 07/03/2015 at 5:29pm / Intimacy

Today, while at my shitty, minimum wage job at McDonalds, a guy walked out of the bathroom. He said "Good luck in there." worriedly, then left. I don't know if it was his handiwork, but it looked like a shit grenade had detonated. It was even on the walls. FML

by don't get paid enough for this / 07/10/2015 at 10:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my girlfriend dyed her hair from blonde to brunette. An hour later, she found one of her blonde hairs on my pillow, and accused me of cheating. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2015 at 6:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I walked past a man handing out miniature Bibles on my way to class. He handed me one, commenting "here, you look like you need this." FML

by Michigan / 02/04/2009 at 8:18pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wore a cute new striped shirt to work. One of my co-workers said to me "I like your shirt. Most fat people don't look good in horizontals." FML

by alie / 02/09/2009 at 1:47pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, the only girl I'm friends with deleted my comment off of her profile because she was too embarrassed that people would see we were friends. FML

by sh33zy / 02/03/2009 at 3:27pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, the alarm on my phone went off. I picked it up, hit snooze, and dropped it back on my desk without looking. I woke up an hour later to find that I had dropped it directly in a full glass of water. FML

by tarheels526 / 02/07/2009 at 7:53pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend after driving 200 miles to see him. While arguing, I told him I never wanted to see him again and left after slamming the front door. I left my car keys in his kitchen. FML

by nokeys / 04/02/2009 at 4:16pm / United States (New York) / Transportation