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Today, my crush finally let me drive his truck for the first time in a empty parking lot, after he told me he liked me. It was so dark that I ended up driving into and pole and totaled his car. Now he hates me. FML

by madd_dizzle / 10/25/2009 at 11:39am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, feeling like I needed to relax, I ordered room service at my hotel. When I was finished I went to put the tray outside not thinking about needing a key to get back in. I locked myself out of my room wearing happy face underwear in a $250 a night hotel. I had to go to the lobby to get a new key. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2009 at 12:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, after telling my girlfriend that I loved her, she dumped me claiming I was getting "too attached". I've already spent almost $400 on her Valentine's Day present. FML

by Dan1021 / 02/04/2010 at 2:31pm / Love

Today, I was playing rugby. I was tackled very hard at the end of a play, and I got up to find my head bleeding profusely. Not one person offered to drive me to the ER. I had to drive myself to get six stitches in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 02/01/2010 at 2:34am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

by gp28 / 02/18/2010 at 3:08pm / United States / Love

Today, I went to the blood bank to donate plasma. All went well until the machine went to return my red blood cells. It turns out the nurse sliced my vein and the blood built up in my tissues. I now have a massive swollen arm and bruising, and look like a junkie. FML

by blinkanimgone / 09/01/2010 at 7:08am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, I found out that my very expensive and beautiful smelling perfume attracts wasps. Whenever I go out, wherever I am, I am followed by multiple wasps. FML

by unluckiestperson / 08/29/2010 at 11:45am / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Animals

Today, it was my big sister's birthday, and I was told the iPod I ordered her online was not coming due to a mix up. I drove to three different electronic stores before I found the one she wanted. After spending forever in traffic, I came home to find a package on my doorstep. It was her iPod. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2010 at 12:09am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML

by huulo / 11/16/2010 at 5:07am / Miscellaneous

Today, I worked a full day and then went to a three-hour class. I got home at 9 PM, and before the door closed I heard, "There's a sink full of dishes for you." There are three able-bodied men in the house, all of whom got here hours ago and created that sink full of dishes. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2011 at 9:06pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm "high maintenance." I'd only asked him to use deodorant and brush his teeth. He hasn't had a shower in over a week. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2011 at 4:25am / Monaco / Health

Today, I tried to clock in at work, only to have the clock tell me I "wasn't scheduled", so I asked my boss what was going on. Turns out I was fired, and this was her way of avoiding conflict. FML

by anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 3:01pm / United States / Work

Today, I managed to stab myself with a knife while trying to open something without a can opener. After getting stitches and returning back home, I went to make a cup of coffee. I found the can opener in the cutlery drawer. FML

by nicky / 03/31/2011 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health